Breaking Dawn Chapter Eighteen

The title for this chapter is the most appropriate I’ve seen in awhile. It’s ‘There are no words for this.’ I don’t think there’s a better phrase to sum up the whole series and Otis’s career so succinctly. There are no words, only the vague unformed ideas of protest and anger.

Apparently demonspawn has decided to practice X90 while inside her mom which is why her stomach it twitching like gelatin. Ed grabs her and screams for morphine and then demands something be given to Bella as well.

Ed is panicking because the baby is suffocating. Wait, what? Backup Otis, isn’t this demonspawn? Doesn’t that mean it shouldn’t need to breathe? I keep coming to the logical cul-de-sacs and it worries me.

Bella begins screaming what she should have been doing since she first found out the iceman got her preggers.

“Get him OUT!

Meanwhile Bella is fountaining blood like a sprinkler. Yet another thing there Otis, weren’t all the vamps driven to blood craze at the merest spot of blood in New Moon? I mean you’ve given passes to Carl and Ed but they’re not the majority in the Cullen clan. I can’t even count how many inconsistencies I’ve caught so far and there’s still plenty of paper pulp left.

Jake starts CPR as demonspawn, hereafter referred to as DS, breaks Bella’s spine. For all her attention to detail once again Otis forgoes the gory stuff. Why? No sex, no action and no gore. What kind of vampire novel is this anyway? Oh wait, it’s an Otis brand novel.

So yes, in the space of four lines DS is delivered. Bella somehow comes back to consciousness and demands to hold her. Never mind the seemingly gallons of blood she’s lost and is continuing to lose after Ed bit her open. Oh and DS bites Bella on the boob to which Ed chastises her.

Ed knocks Jake away and pulls out a syringe. It’s either full of black tar heroin or Ed’s vemon. Apparently vamps can milk themselves like cobras so no need for Ed to bite her and waste time. Ed jabs it into her heart and then proceeds to nibble on various parts of her body. For once this almost makes some sense. This way Bella’s exposed to vemon so fast she’ll transform just before dying. Good job Otis, tell your ghost writer thanks. I know you sure as hell didn’t pen that part.

Jake freaks when he can’t hear Bella’s heart. Ed though has also read spoilers thanks to Alice’s visions I’m sure and keeps doing CPR to circulate the ‘venom’. Jake says he wishes he could pour bleach into his brain and erase everything. I’m right there with you wolfboy.

Jake, not being privy to the PlotExpress deliveries, decides to kill DS. He goes to transform and just before he can get really good and angry he imprints. Otis ham fists her way through that too.

Suddenly he hears a heartbeat start again up stairs. Yes, CPR is magic and can restart hearts you know. Especially the ones that have already stopped and are in the process of being poisoned. I would have settled for Ed manually working her heart until Bella was finished changing, that would have made a certain sense. But no, we just had to have her come back to life to die again. So closes ‘Book Two’. That means we get to go back to Bella. Oh joy.

<<Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Nineteen>>

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4 Responses to Breaking Dawn Chapter Eighteen

  1. Allycat says:

    Wow, I am both nauseated and feel dumber for reading that. I think I actually heard braincells die in agony.

  2. maeverin says:

    “Ed grabs her and screams for morphine and then demands something be given to Bella as well.”
    HA! almost made me spit out my tea with that one:)

  3. tro says:

    well. I certainly feel like vomiting a fountain of blood now

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