Intro – Is there really a good way to get this started?
Chapter One – Here in my fake car, I feel safest of all
Chapter Two – Bella gone mild
Chapter Three – How many imitation weddings will this inspire?
Chapter Four – In which there is no regard for the human condition
Chapter Five – Where the, shall we say, cherry comes off the sundae
Chapter Six – Baywatch: Twilight Nights
Chapter Seven – Behold, unlife is concieved!
Chapter Eight – Need to go walkies
Chapter Nine – An offer you can refuse
Chapter Ten – Please think of the children who are an abomination unto all creation!
Chapter Eleven – Cue the Jeopardy theme
Chapter Twelve – I minored in BS and majored in Fictionology
Chapter Thirteen – Ken Burns The War, Twilight
Chapter Fourteen – Slower than a parked car
Chapter Fifteen – Dull vampires?
Chapter Sixteen – Jake needs a lay
Chapter Seventeen – Bella, the bloody rainbird
Chapter Eighteen – The end of Jacob’s story
Chapter Nineteen – Meanwhile, back at the dull part of the story
Chapter Twenty – 2 purfict 4 werds
Chapter Twenty One – Blood Hunt
Chapter Twenty Two – The waiting is the hardest part
Chapter Twenty Three – Kinky and gross
Chapter Twenty Four – Uncle Ed’s cottage
Chapter Twenty Five – Ignorance is Chaz
Chapter Twenty Six – The whole premise of the series explained
Chapter Twenty Seven – And why was Irina there?
Chapter Twenty Eight – The Volturi are coming!
Chapter Twenty Nine – People seemed to laugh more before Twilight…
Chapter Thirty – Might there really be no plot?
Chapter Thirty One – Professor Carlisle aka Wheels
Chapter Thirty Two – Madhouse
Chapter Thirty Three – Vhere are your papers?
Chapter Thirty Four – Every time a vampire kills, a demonspawn gets its horns.
Chapter Thirty Five – Everyone, say blood!
Chapter Thirty Six – A fight? Oh wait, wrong series.
Chapter Thirty Seven – This chapter might as well not even have happened.
Chapter Thirty Eight – Tension? No, that’s probably just indigestion.
Chapter Thirty Nine – Or, how it should have ended.