Best Searches

WordPress provides a small list of search terms that lead to this site. Most are rather dull but I cull the occasional nugget of weirdness and throw it into this post. Some of them are positively baffling. The commas separate individual searches and the newest are first.

inheritance eragon dies(we could only be so lucky), arya sad(as a character, yes. She’s a very sad excuse for that)

what does it mean if a baby is born with a catlip?(in reality, that fetal development was incomplete. In Inheritance, that Chris could invent lame new names for things like harelip), what does cheep cheep mean in inheritance(it’s a terrible joke, really), inheritance chapter 1(ruins everything before it), inheritane book 4 sporking, stop being coy(oh alright…maybe)

eldest roran speech(blah blah blah, Paolini just watched Braveheart, blah blah), eragon prologue(is completely unnecessary), maximum ride prologue(there is none, stop being hopeful you poor, deluded fan), adjectives for maximum ride(banal, insipid, uninspired, a waste of paper pulp…), eldest in a starry glade read(read something better like the directions on a packet of ramen)

why is roran such a dick?(it runs in the family), eragon’s achilles heel(anything elven), what is the thing eragon made a portret of(His favorite actor, Jim Varney), what does whip every fiber in your body up in a knot mean(it means your medication is wearing off and it’s time for another dose)

chapter wise midnight sun from chapter 12 to last chapter(you don’t read much do you?), saphira and the wingless(try Eragon and the plotless), i love nudge(i think you meant being nudeged), nudge is a great kid(no, she isn’t. Stop lying Jimmy.), eragon, “brom justif stealing(he doesn’t need to because he’s one of the good guys)

eragon: eragon bath with saphira(you’re not fully clean until you’re dragon fully clean), vivisector scene creator(what? who told you?!), do katrina and roran have sex in brisingr(in the same way that Chris writes “plot” into the story), eragon being diapered(Ok, that put me off my lunch), gerry tesch(stop googling yourself you damned narcissist), breakingdawnleakedversion(tryputtinginspaces)

eragon pee(I hear some hunters will rub them selves in Eragon pee to mask their scent when they go hunting for elf/humans), eragon’s dream in brisingr(his dream is to become the host of a show called “Trading Dragons”), we already had breakfast sir(then take these Power Bars for the road), is lady nasuada from eldest black?(well Chris, in all his racial sensitivity, didn’t name her “nightstalker” because she hunts the Lord of Midnight)

“clamped”(so it was this or the New Yankee workshop wasn’t it?), in which chapter garrow die in eragon(it doesn’t matter, Eragon really doesn’t mention him again), alien dissect don’t worry i’m a veterinarian movie(I’m not a vetinarian but I play one in my head), pics of gabby in brisingr(gabby has no pictures unless you count stills from the film)

saphira and the wingless(what a fitting name for Eragon), the gift of dragons eldest(faith healing but only for the “hero”), eldest roran speech(you could skip it and miss nothing), how does katrina wake roran up(judging by the brain damage, with a hammer blow to the face), hugo weaving the key man(yes, he’s the man), “honey badger husbandry”(they don’t need to be bred any stronger, really)

elva brat eragon(they’re both brats but not quite like the one that hangs over them both named Chris), eragon sociopath(yes he is), how to kill vivisector giant bull(as always, with fire), “sneeze that blew”(but couldn’t blow the pig’s house down), nasuada and elves(are just as boring as everyone else)

“eldest” why does it say thud(because the author thinks all vertical take off capable aircraft make the same noise including dragons), there’s this huge tree and there are these “moth humans” that suck the life out of humans so that all they leave behind it the bones. the protagonist goes there but for some reason they don’t suck his life and then end up becoming ‘friends’?(wow, you actually typed that as a search?)

прохождение vivisector(oh fo’ sho’), eragon and the kingdom of lions(that bespeaks a challenge, something Eragon will never face), arya will dump eragon to take the throne(Sure, and Saphira will become a fully fleshed out character), eragons weakness(anything that cogitates), what chapter does eragon make art(none, he only makes misery like his creator), breaking dawn chapters fake id address(at the corner of Deus Ex and Machina)

why did aro seem excited that alice comes back in breaking dawn(because he gets excited about everything from curtains to tea), who are the main supporting characters in eragon?(nobody important), who gave brom his ring(I know this one, the guy on the Crackerjack box), arya softly eragon(that’s just…special)

last chapter of the book eragon(soon, not soon enough however), how to bathe the first level in vivisector game(get in water, wash vigorously or consult gamefaqs), “who are you?” eragon(a whiny halfwit who deserves to be eaten alive by fireants), vivisector free path(free path! free willy! free Chuck Norris’s mustache!), vivisector salvari joc(I am boggled)

eragon going to brom for dragon names(just needed to remember that scene, eh?), ! what dose mean excalme.. when she tire/bord(I can’t even translate that.), firebreather mom dating dragon (sounds hot, hey oh!) vivisectors and virtue(I have plenty of virtues. I’ve never used a ‘that guy‘ as filler characters.), eragon brains(he doesn’t have any). how to turn into eragon(Ah, is seems Chris has found me), what is the scene where bilbo defeated the dragon?( It looks like the Hobbit scriptwriters aren’t familiar with the source material.)

dragon humping(I have no words for how awful that is), what does an eragon elf look like(like a generic fantasy elf), what is it like being eragon(it’s like being the dumbest kid who gets handed a machine gun during safety awareness week)

host for epilogue(epilogue for the fail!), what chapter does garrow die(not soon enough), the black death first chapter writ by people, eragon dragon sex(the horror, the horror!), which chapter in eragon book you find metaphor(you find all over though suck), what was the weather like in eragon(more interesting than the story)

forshadowing in eragon(For shadowing in Eragon press one. For sleeping press two.), what’s going on with eragon(a superb question), pressants means, malk matajamba(I have no idea how that came here but it’s awesome)

vivisector white win, “herbal essence”, white rabbits band, merlock pbs 2010, chapter by chapter eragon blog, quileutes breands [version of a promisen ring], response to literature, eragon(just plain eragon found me, awesome), the host- epilogue(yes, minus the epilogue host would have been better)

declared breaking dawn recap, white rabbits band, the cullens on wife swap, extra host chapter, jared leto, wasn’t bree in breaking dawn, bash “compare two characters”, tied up and blindfolded, “still blindfolded ”

antidie silly bandz, quileute promise band, dryer sheet pheromones and elephants, breaking dawn bella period, breaking dawn contradictions, quileute promise band, how to writ ness email, when is the first day of school in forks, breaking dawn bella quote about diamond skin(They just had to know what she said eh?)

leaked version of the host extra chapter, breaking dawn declared chapter, novel gates of dawn each chapters, breaking dawn edward’s pov ch 30, stupid dog dad, “heaven helps the man who fights his fears” (Someone found me looking for Kenny Loggins, I am both honored and ashamed.)

“my cast” “leg”, hack vivisector, vivisector’s wit, new era thirty nine, who is the lawyer in breaking dawn(who cares?)

breaking dawn stock characters, vivisector is mean(either they know me or they meant vivisection)

print out the host by stephenie meyer chapter 1,  vivisector how to kill the giant, vivisector readme

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