Hunted Chapter 17

One of those things that’s hard in writing is trying not to come up with descriptions that are self contradicting. I don’t mean things like “hot and cold”, I mean saying one thing and immediately contradicting it with a follow up. Let’s examine the first paragraph of this chapter, shall we?

Darius was the first of us out of the vehicle. His face was set in expressionless lines so that he looked strong and confident, but entirely unreadable. He ignored the Raven Mockers, who were staring at him with their terrible eyes, and addressed the warrior in the center of the group.

So Darius’s face is set to look strong and confident but entirely unreadable? Those are two contradictory ideas which don’t mesh together. In this case, the problem could be fixed with a reordering of words. Say “His face was unreadable which made him appear more confident and strong than he was” or something to that effect. You get the same image coming across but now the words flow better.

I’m also amused at how she describes the eyes of the “raven mocker” as “terrible”. They’re just bird eyes, PCK. Unless you mean to say that their expressionless, unreadable quality is creepy. But that would mean you would have to put effort into writing and stop jerking us about with this subplot between Zoey, Heath, Erik and Stark.

Darius tells them that he’s bringing some students in and a “young priestess” who needs medical attention. A raven by the name of Rephaim who wants to know if it’s Zoey and all the other raves get excited and gather around at the mention of her name. Zoey keeps whining about how awful and gross Rephaim is.

So here’s a sensible question for you, PCK. Exactly why did that raven name himself after a biblical race of giants? Being as you explicitly said that these “raven mockers” are the unwanted children produced of a unions between Kalona and Native American women over a thousand years ago. Back when no one in the Americas had been introduced to the hebrew or christian bible. So did this raven wake up, learn English, read the KJV bible and decide that it was a cool name or is there some other implication here? I’ll chalk it up to one of them using a book of names and deciding that “rephaim” just sounded cool and sinister.

Darius says, yes Zoey is with them and they’re glad to let them through. Then he asks if the “red one” is with them. Darius lies and says he doesn’t know what Rephaim is talking about and this makes him squawk and call Darius a “son of man”. Which is a stupid insult, being as all the ravens had human mothers. Zoey tells everyone to get ready with their elements, there’s about to be a moment of tension thwarted by the author. Darius just goes “oh, the red vampire” and says she’s not with them. Zoey and slaves are then let in without any further incident.

They go inside and Zoey assures us that everything is very creepy. On the way to the infirmary, they run into Neferet who says the “prodigal” returns. Which is fairly true, considering how wasteful Zoey is with her powers. Not that Neferet would know that so I don’t know why she’s saying that. Probably because the phrase “the prodigal son returns” is well known and PCK wanted Neferet to say it but remembered that Zoey is a girl.

Zoey whispers everyone to use their elements and is about to make a comment on the “irony” of Neferet using a biblical reference when Kalona wanders into the scene. How is that ironic, PCK? Is it unexpected that Neferet would reference another religion in spite of the saying being a part of shared western culture? That’s like saying it’s “ironic” when an atheist says “I swear to god”. It’s ironic only if you’re stupid.

Anywho, Kalona appears makes Beavis and Butthead cream themselves. Zoey says to not look at his face and look at his chest instead or something. Blah blah blah, perfect body and cute hair, blah blah. Zoey looks into his eyes and gets an “electric” shock which causes her to go weak in Darius’s arms. She starts wondering if he’s really evil and doubting herself and then Kalona screams that she’s wounded and should be tended and why isn’t she.

Rephaim shows up and says that he ordered her to be sent to the infirmary. Aphro calls bullshit and that he delayed their entrance. Kalona just laughs at how amusing “human women” are, because something about Aphro is funny I guess, and dismisses them all. They say they’re sticking by Zoey because that’s what they want to do. Nyx laughs and tells them to get back to their schedule and tries to send Aphro out of the school because she’s human. Zoey says no, Aphro still gets visions and she belongs there. The word “visions” piques Kalona’s interest.

“Visions?” Kalona’s deep voice cut the air between us. This time I refused to look at him, though he was standing so close that I could feel the weird chill that came from his body. “What type of visions?”

Visions of candy canes and sugar plums. What kind of visions do you think they mean, numbfuck? And is their a normal chill that comes from people’s bodies, PCK? Or are you thinking about the frosty cube which serves as your heart? They explain and Neferet says she still wants her gone but Kalona smooths everything over by stroking her cheek and saying this is man business, honey.

Kalona then says he’ll take her now and will not ask again. Zoey dismisses her slaves and they tell her to get better and be well and blah blah parting is so sad. Or it would be if we gave a damn about any of these pricks. Kalona, being somewhat awesome, says enough sentimentality and takes Zoey away from Darius. Then he takes her inside and shuts the door behind him.

Then I did something I’d only done twice before in my entire life. I fainted.

That way PCK can start the next chapter with Zoey waking up. Already though, I’m warming up to Kalona. Anyone in-universe that wants Zoey’s friends to shut up and get moving is better than Zoey in my book. Maybe in the next chapter he’ll make Zoey shut up and pass the narration over to someone more interesting like Elliott.

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2 Responses to Hunted Chapter 17

  1. Dizzie says:

    Wait, Zoey says not to look at Kalona’s face but then looks into his eyes herself? Why? :/

  2. Mention says:

    Maybe the other ravens have “terrible glowing red eyes shaped like a man’s” too, like the one that stalked on Zoey and grandma by a window in Untamed?

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