I suppose I should be grateful that, whatever the excuse, PCK is moving Zoey back to where something could happen. Though I can’t help feel is undercuts any real sense of struggle on Zoey’s part. PCK would have us believe that Zoey spent all of a single night living in a dank tunnel. In truth, it was a well furnished, comfortable hole in the ground with running(hot) water and electricity. I’ve seen people rough it harder when they take their RV’s out for Memorial Day weekend.
It just feels like Zoey goes from one opulent place to another with no trials in between. I like seeing characters who actually face things we can identify with like poverty as Katniss does in the Hunger Games. Because Zoey bounces from one place to another, without ever having to fear for shelter or sustenance, it makes her look like a spoiled brat, living in a very protective bubble while she whines about which boy wants to make out with her.
Continuing the trend of using chapter breaks as pauses in one, long continuous chapter, we resume right where we left off. I almost preferred the endless flashback to this but not quite. Stevie suddenly appears, as Zoey’s friends are wont to do, and stops them talking about Stark. She says that Darius is ready to go, they say they can’t all fit in Heath’s truck but she says not to worry because they found something better. Also, Darius said Zoey should drink from Heath once more before they go.
Can Zoey not go five minutes without draining the lifeblood of Heath? Zoey whines that she doesn’t want to drink from Heath but not because he’s at risk for anemia. Zoey doesn’t want to snack on him because he’s mad at her. In spite of her weak protests, Erik cuts Heath’s arm and offers it to Zoey. Zoey pretends that she’s taking too much from him and he says he’d give her anything which makes her say she loves him. Yet, Erik’s being the ass here, right Zoey?
Heath then rubs it in Erik’s face. Erik stomps out, saying that he may not be able to feed Zoey like that but he doesn’t have to stand there and watch it. Heath tells Zoey to ignore him and just suck on him while picturing getting better. You know, if PCK had the brains to be drawing metaphors between the urge to feed a vampire and other self-destructive behaviors like addiction, this might be very interesting. It’s clear to me that Heath has managed to substitute budding alcoholism with an urge to be sucked dry by Zoey.
Zoey moans and drinks form Heath and eventually someone pulls her off of him. Again, if this is normal behavior then I can’t possibly imagine where humans would get the idea vampires drink people to death. It must be because humans are all racist and not because vampires wouldn’t stop if left to their own devices. Zoey then start hiccupping and talking stupid because she’s now drunk. The consensus of morons figure that, because Heath’s drunk and she drank from him, Zoey’s drunk too.
Wait, what? I thought vampires were practically immune to alcohol? Or is this supposed to be a magic drunkenness that Zoey can’t feel through the bond but can if she drink his blood? Because that’s just stupid, PCK. Aphro says that she didn’t know vampires could get drunk of human blood and that’s very interesting, highlighting exactly how uninteresting it really is.
“You’d think it was less interesting if you’d eaten a wino and had a hangover headache and then burped cheap wine for days,” Stevie Rae said. “All I can say about that is nasty.”
Nasty sexy or nasty gross, PCK? With you it’s so hard to tell. And yes, Stevie, it is awful. The way you casually talk about murdering someone and then bitching about how they taste. That’s the kind of thing that would work in a dark comedy but PCK has demonstrated they can’t be trusted with things like humor. The best part is Zoey’s response.
Aphrodite, the Twins, Damien, Jack, and I all stared at her. Finally I was able to say, “Stevie Rae. Please don’t eat any more people. It’s really dis-dis-disturbing,” I slurred.
That’s our Stevie! And what is it with these shitty authors not understanding how being drunk works? I’d figure they’d have to do something aside from hollow out the bodies of their victims and practice turning their rictus of pain into smiles. Oh, and repeating a syllable isn’t “slurring”, PCK. That’s called stuttering. Clearly your editor has been drinking on the job so next time you need help with a drunk character, talk to her.
Kramisha says not worry because that wino was gross, for real yo. Then Stevie tells Zoey not to worry because that was a long time ago. I don’t think these characters know what a long time means. It hasn’t been all that long since Stevie got her “humanity” back, maybe a month. Zoey rolls her eyes because you can’t trust these red fledglings and Stevie then promises no eating people while she’s gone.
Zoey sends everyone out and says she’ll join them in a moment. She demands a scrap of paper from Stevie and writes down Angela’s phone number. Zoey says that if she calls and tell Stevie to move, they’ll move without asking questions. Stevie doesn’t even ask why, she just nods because to not obey Zoey is to consign oneself to death. Why aren’t they moving there right now as it is? After all, Neferet knows the undeadlings live in the tunnels, that’s where she put them in the first place. No, it seems much safer to let the villain know where they are at all times.
They say their goodbyes with Zoey warning Stevie to look after Heath. She says if he gets eaten she’ll be “majorly pissed”. The same way you or I would be mad if we dropped a fresh taco and ruined our lunch. We’re not sad because the taco is lost but angry because now we’ll have to get a new one. Erik then picks Zoey up and carries her out, wanring her that it’s going to hurt. Zoey whines about the pain but, thankfully, passes out until they get outside.
Darius has found a “huge black Hummer” to take them back and Erik puts Zoey in the backseat. And because PCK doesn’t specify, I’m going to assume that it’s not a real hummer but an H2 which still has some soccer gear piled in the back. They ride back in blessed silence which means a couple of paragraphs without the dipshits chattering away.
Until they start talking about what they’ll say. Zoey says they’ll stick as close to the truth as they can and keep their “elements close” for whatever good that will do them. They talk about how it’ll be harder to tell they’re lying if they stick to the truth. Zoey says especially if they protect their minds with their elements. I think that’d make it obvious they’re hiding something but I’m not the genius Zoey is.
Then they start talking about how wrong everything feels. Zoey can’t tell but everyone else has either a stomachache or they feel like the hair on the back of their neck is standing up. Also, most of the lights in the area are out. Zoey says that’s Nyx warning them and they have to be careful not to be tempted by Kalona. When they get close enough, Zoey wants them to prop her up so she can see.
He hoisted me up as gently as he could, but still I had to grit my teeth so I wouldn’t scream. And then the bizarre sight of the House of Night made me temporarily forget my pain. It was ablaze with flickering oil lights, illuminating the huge castlelike structure. Ice covered everything, and the captured flames glistened against the slickened stone, making it appear faceted as if it were one humongous jewel. Darius reached into his pocket and pulled out a little remote. He aimed it at the school’s wrought-iron gate and clicked, and with a creaking sound it swung open, the movement sending shards of ice raining down on the driveway.
And here I thought they used gas lighting, now they use oil? Make up you mind, PCK. Aphro says it looks like a castle out of a fairy tale and Zoey says to remember there’s always a dragon guarding the princess. Damien them says it’s more like a Balrog, because PCK has at least seen LotR, Darius then sys that may be apt and everyone gasps to see the other “warriors” standing at attention. Darius says they’re in league with the enemy and Zoey says that means that the “sons of erebus” are also their enemies. That pop you heard was Zoey burning out her last brain cell figuring that out.
Vivisector's Writ 