Destined Chapters 18 & 19

Chapter 18

Look, PCK, I know making writing is hard. You not only have to come up with characters but they have to have names and at least one trait(clumsy, country, cross and carnal). Then they have to go through a whole plot every book and that shit’s just complicated. You probably didn’t even suspect that you’d get a series that rivals Paolini in empty word count when you took the first draft to your agent. Still, that’s no excuse for Butthead’s backstory.

Shaunee, aka Butthead, and Aphro are the exact same character. They’re both spoiled rich girls with neglectful affluent parents. The only difference is that Aphro once played the silent flute in full view of Zoey and is constantly referred to as “hateful”. If the characters didn’t keep saying it aloud, the audience would be forgiven for assuming they’re all obnoxious, narcissists.

Though I suppose PCK could have done that thing that so many other shows and books do. Whenever they have an African American character, they almost always turn out to be from “the hood” and they grew up in what appears to be a klan member’s fever dream of stereotypes. Because it’s not racist if it’s part of their backstory, I guess.

We’re still with Zoey now who’s decided that Sunday sucked as bad as Saturday. The divide between Bevis and Butthead has caused a major rift in the slaves. They’re having to toast marshmallows using primitive grills rather than Butthead’s Human Torch impression. Zoey seems confused that they’re not getting along and Aphro says “fire and ice” because that explains everything. Then the ultimate in non sequiturs.

“Why are you filing your nails?”

She shot me a WTF look. “Because this stupid town doesn’t have enough all-night spas. Well, except for the scary ones and I just want my nails done, not my vagina. I don’t want the HIV either, for that matter.”

Wait, what? Is this something specific to Tulsa or have I gone crazy? Because I’ve never heard of a shady all night spa that people avoid because it’s a source of AIDS. A stereotype I know of is the brothel masquerading as a “massage parlor”. I get the feeling PCK comes up with all sorts of new and oddball stereotypes on their own.

‘Goddamn those Minnesotans and their predilection for coding with Python!’ ‘Excuse me, ladies, but what are you going on about?’ ‘Don’t mind us. We’re just trying to invent a new stereotype.’

Also, why isn’t there an all night spa that caters to the vampires or even an evening spa that’s open from dusk ‘til dawn? It’s been pretty well established that vampires have all the money and the school blows it on students without care. At least one enterprising owner would run a shop at night to take advantage of the vampire business or at least the school.

Aprho, being the closest thing to a voice of reason, tells Zoey to stop worrying because sometimes friends fight and they’ve got to figure it out themselves. Zoey then says hell which gives Aphro reason to mockingly gasp that Zoey cursed. Zoey then gets pissed that she’s the butt of a joke and says “there’s nothing wrong with not having a potty mouth!”

“Yelling and cursing. Next thing I know snowballs will be flying through H E double toothpicks.”

“You. Are. Hateful,” I said.

Says the bitch who hates Aphro for no reason other than she’s blond and once dated Erik. They shut up when a Lincoln Towncar shows up and Thanato steps out. She comments on how pretty the depot is not like the ugly airports of today. Which makes sense because the depot was a train station and airports are the exact same thing except they can go places there aren’t rails. But I expect a lot of bitching and nostalgia form an old vampire.

It turns out Thanatos bought the building for Zoey. Aprhor hopes this means renovation because it’s gross in there. Zoey figures this must mean they want to control them a bit. Thanatos says Zoey sounds like a high priestess. Zoey then says that because Stark was given a “Guardian Sword in the Otherworld” that basically makes her a “Queen”.

They babble a bit about how Neferet’s evil and isn’t Thanatos on their side. Thanatos mutters some vague things about being on the side of truth and she does think Neferet’s hiding “a truth”. Zoey then whines that seems like too many schools in Oklahoma. Thanatos says, nonsense, that a second school makes perfect sense. They’ve apparently found more undeadlings across the world so they’ll send them there. Though the aura reader is the first girl to start off as red rather than die and pull a Superman.

Zoey then asks if Thanatos knows about Neferet’s new consort. Zoey says it’s not Aurox but one of the bulls. Thanatos says she doesn’t know much about the old bull worship but she doesn’t believe in it. Though they come to the conclusion, yet again, that if Aurox wasn’t a gift he would be the product of a “great sacrifice”.

Over to Aurox as Heath who’s busy walking around. He sees a girl who’s not interesting, like Zoey, but still attractive. She flirts with him and Heath, being a robot, says he can feel her emotions.

She touched him then, drawing a pink painted fingernail down his chest, and that is when her emotions hit him. He could feel her desire. It was mixed with desperation and a little meanness as well. Aurox breathed deeply, inhaling the intoxicating scent of lust tinged with cruelty. A shudder of anticipation went through him as the power within began to build.

Meanness? What kind of meanness, PCK? That’s a very vague word that doesn’t really tell us how she feels. Does she desire to control him by enticing Aurox through sex? Does she find him sexually appealing and merely wants to satisfy a baser desire? Use your fucking words!

They start making out, Aurox as Heath calls out to “Zo” and the girl is disgusted. So she bites him which gets Heath excited. She panicks when tasting his blood and says he doesn’t taste right. Luckily for her, Dragon shows up and checks on them.

‘Hey, are you being a nightmarish abomination murder machine, Aurox?’


‘Are you sure.’

‘Pretty sure…’

Dragons sends the girl, Becca, away. Then Dragon decides to have a fatherly chat with Aurox about being careful and that he should probably get consent before doing some things. Aurox says Dragon doesn’t follow Neferet, he says only himself. Aurox says he understands then Dragon and him talk about women in a general sense. Dragon says Zoey must have been on his mind if he called out to her. Aurox then asks Dragon to not tell Neferet about anything he saw or heard tonight.

Chapter 19

We’re back with Zoey who’s sitting in her Monday class which will be taught by Thanatos. Shaylin, the aura reader, is busy watching people and reporting on their alignment. She spots Dallas and says he’s red but not a good red like Butthead. Butthead is a warm red like a campfire while Dallas is red like a bomb, also like hate.

Stevie tells Rephy to not let the presence of Dallas get to him and they head in. All the while Zoey is whining about how awkward everything will be. Which seems to be a running trope here. Something stupid happens, the author contrives to shove them all together and Zoey feels awkward.

They all sit down and Shay remarks on “pretty colors” when Thanatos comes in. She’s wearing a “night-colored dress” So, black? Because I doubt a vampire would be caught dead in half-moon lit blue night garment. She tells them this is a special class made up of all sorts of people. Yeah, mostly vampires with one human and a human who turns into a bird. That’s basically the rainbow right there. Next stop, diversity boulevard.

Thanatos says they should all start by writing down one question they want the answer to and hand it over. They can leave it anonymous if they want but they should be serious. Kind of like the teacher who was put in charge of sex education. Dallas stage whispers a question about what a bird has that a man doesn’t.

Thanatos then yells at him, asking if he mistakes her for “a lesser being.” Oh, so in spite of the wonderful mixed class, there are still such things as “lesser beings”. Dallas says no, professor and she chastises him, demanding he call her priestess. Then she says, yes they can ask her anything without fear.

I get that’s supposed to be a cute scene where an obnoxious kid gets put in place by a tough teacher but what if he was honestly confused and could use some actual adult guidance? Look, Dallas may be a “vampire” with magic powers but he’s still a teenager. Clearly he’s still hurting about Stevie and seeing Rephy and her only throws salt on there. Maybe he needs an adult to sit him down and explain that, sometimes, people don’t love you back and that’s part of life. Perhaps a wiser vampire could relate a story from their own youth to him and give him hope that, with so much time at his disposal, he’ll find someone who’s right for him? Naw, better to call him evil and see that he dies a horrible death. Quick Zoey, find a passing freight truck.

Thanatos asks Rephy if he’ll need any help being as he never went to school. Repy says no, he knows a whole bunch of languages. Stevie says she didn’t know that and Rephy says his father found it useful. Yeah, it’s a good thing the languages humans were using when Kalona ruled are still in vogue and up to date. ‘I’m fluent in Egyptian, Sumerian, Ancient Chinese, Mayan and Toltec.’ ‘How about anything newer than the renaissance?’ ‘Yup, as long as it’s convenient to the plot.’

Also, Aurox is there for no reason. One minute he’s a gift from Nyx to Neferet, the next he’s a student. He says he too can write but has no idea how he knows this. Everyone then sits around wondering what they should ask. Zoey asks how you get over dead parents. Easy, do what you do and never think about them. Rephy wants to know what he is.

Tahantos says she’ll think on them and talk tomorrow but for the rest of class they’ll talk about imprinting and how it’s nothing like the bonds you see on other series. We’re told she talked frankly about how good it can be when it’s good and how bad it can be otherwise. Also, she’s funny in a dry British way. PCK couldn’t be bothered to make up or even steal a joke.

The class ends and Dallas and Rephy are shouting at one another in the hall. One of the kids is holding Dallas back. Zoey spots Dallas reaching for the outlet and wonders what element she could use to fight electricity. Why not all of them, you overpowered sue? There’s some more threats of fighting but Dragons shows up and yells at everyone. In between his shouting is this wonderful line

[…]The Sword Master’s face was like a storm cloud.

The sword master’s face was like a storm cloud in that it was coming in from the east early in the morning. By mid-afternoon there will probably be scattered showers of whining right up until the evening blowhard threat winds push that past us, giving us clear skies and a cool night which will persist for the next several days.

Thanatos then shows up and asks what’s going on. When Dragon says that he can see why people have problems with Rephy, Neferet says he can take it up with Nyx.

Everyone disperse after some babbling. Stark asks Thanatos if she can see the darkness that surrounds Neferet. Thanatos says no, because she’s never “trafficked with darkness”. Now cocaine on the other hand… Stark, Stevie and Rephy both say they see it. Though the darkness around Dragon isn’t welcome, it’s just hanging around, hoping he gives in due to the promise of cookies. This worries Zoey which PCK seems to think is a perfect cliffhanger.

This entry was posted in House of Night, Recap, Spork and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Destined Chapters 18 & 19

  1. dreamworlder says:

    “Silent flute”. I’ve never heard this particular euphemism before, but I love it.

    I’ve seen massage parlors (ie. the rub-and-tug massage parlors) occasionally calling themselves spas. It might be a regional thing.

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