Chapter 2
It looks like PCK is trying to make up for the lack of Zoey in the last few books. As we’re with Zoey again instead of someone who didn’t trade their brain for a bushel of wheat. If nothing else, the openeing to this chapter is reminding me that Zoey only has two hobbies. Screwing with the hearts and minds of her boyfriends and whining.
“A short bus? Really?” All I could do was shake my head and stare at the squatty yellow thing that said HOUSE OF NIGHT in fresh black letters across its side. “I mean, it’s nice that my call to Thanatos worked so fast and we’re being allowed to go back to school, but a short bus?”
I’m sorry, PCK, I don’t buy it. I cannot believe for a second that the school has a bus on hand to transport anybody. These are the same vampires that flew Zoey and her slaves out to Italy via private jet and packed their damn cats. If the house of night has anything less than a limousine, stocked with blood wine of course, then I will eat my hat.
Everyone makes a lot of short bus jokes because there’s a literal short bus. Which makes me wonder if one of the Cast ladies has been allowing their high school English class to do the writing for them while they drink in the bathroom. They all hop on the bus finally and Zoey mentions that Rephy is going to join them in school.
Wait, what? So first Rephy gets forgiven by god, allowed to turn into a real boy when his girlfriend is awake and now he has to go to school? Sounds like Nyx is punishing him after all. They debate for a bit about how accepted Rephy will be at the school. Damien says that god herself showed up and forgave him and that’s basically her including Rephy in the group which even Neferet won’t argue against.
How the hell does that work anyway? Rephy may not be a monster now, because the authors waved their wand and all, but he’s not a vampire. What the hell will he get out of attending vampire high school? Based on what we’ve seen so far, it’s not a high school where you graduate after a certain time or amount of schooling. Erik was just a student until he suddenly became an adult and then he was a teacher. So basically the house of night is a big, supernatural daycare where the wards all dream about growing up.
PCK just kind of ignores that a class on vampire social studies will probably not benefit the birdman and moves on with their story. They start talking about the high council again. Damien asks if Zoey is going to tell them about Neferet and Dragon. Zoey says that she didn’t mention the whole spinoff school or anything, she just got permission to go back. Zoey thinks that it would be best to ask the council at the school meeting that night via Skype.
Another stupid question for you, PCK. If the vampire high council takes Skype calls, why didn’t they do that last time rather than fly across the ocean? Seems to me like it might have been faster and been less trouble. Anywho, Zoey’s master plan is to get the council to okay birdman as a student with Neferet and Dragon present to try and make them balk. Which makes perfect sense if Neferet wasn’t obviously evil.
Once it’s decided upon, Zoey looks at Stark and says he looks tired. Stark complains that he hasn’t been gettign enough sleep and Zoey’s morning calls to the council kept him up. Which was ultimately good because that knock off Cialis he bought hadn’t quite worn off yet so he was ready for round two. Zoey of course complains to us that Stark is snappish with her. Zoey, being the queen bitch who will never surrender her throne to someone else, then proceeds to berate him.
Zoey attempts to make him feel guilty because she’s certain something is wrong with her mom but she hasn’t even talked to Grandma yet. Stark, rightfully, says this is her own fault and she should probably give Grandma a call already so she can stop lording it over his head. Then Stark apologizes and goes back to being a simpering dick at the ready. We get it PCK, Kalona’s spirit is keeping him awake and making him feel restless. Then they arrive and it’s off to class.
“My first hour was Spells and Rituals,” I heard Aphrodite mutter to Darius. “And there’s that new vamp teaching it who looks like she’s twelve. This should be fun.”
Spells and rituals? Can all vampires do magic then or not? And, again, I don’t see how that kind of a class would prove beneficial for someone like Rephy who’s only magic in that god personally said high and the author shield him from harm? Also, it really, really feels like you’re a bit jealous of Rowling, PCK.
They then start walking into the school and Zoey starts feeling her stomach clench and feel “like a raging IBS episode” was coming on. Now there’s the Zoey I’m familiar with.
Chapter 3
Over to Kalona who’s telling us he didn’t have to fly long to find his sons. Which makes sense because it’s been a day or two since the end of the last book when he left. So either he decided to stop off at a motel, pick up a hooker and get some sleep or his perception of time is way off. The latter would make sense but that would require PCK create a character instead of using a cut out.
Kalona finds them in a wooded area that’s just south of Tulsa. Which begs the question of what these guys were doing while Kalona was busy being a slave to Neferet. ‘Gee, dad’s been gone a real long time. What should we do?’ ‘You want to hang out in the park and crap on passing joggers?’ ‘Again? Sure!’
Kalona’s second favorite son, Nisroc, is there waiting for him. Oh look, another biblical name. Aren’t we clever, PCK. Kalona is happy to see them but was pretty sure that there were more of them around. He asks Nisroc why there don’t seem to be quite so many as there should be.
“Hold them, I could not,” Nisroc said. “Rephaim dead—”
Nisroc is now Yoda, apparently. Kalona says that Rephy is not dead, he now serves Stevie but it might be better if he was dead. He says that it’s no big deal, Rephy will get tired of doing vampiric algebra and come home. He orders Nisroc to take another raven to go spy on Rephy. He’s also to make him an offer he can refuse, that Rephy can come back at any point should he get lonely. Kalona also tells him that there are to be no vampires killed, he’s just watching.
Kalona then sends everyone else off to gather all the missing ravens. They want to know why and Kalona says to prepare. For what, they ask. For the destruction of Neferet.
Over to Rephy who’s uncomfortable and getting stares from everyone. He’s worried because he’s killed vampires and worried something will happen. Though that interesting tangent doesn’t garner near as much focus as PCK sucking vampire dick.
As third hour began and a professor who called herself Penthasilea read from and then spoke about a book written by an ancient vampyre named Ray Bradbury entitled Fahrenheit 451, and the importance of the freedoms of thought and expression, Rephaim tried to school his new human features into a semblance of attention and interest, but his mind kept slipping away. He wanted to listen to the professor and have nothing more to worry about than what she called “deciphering symbolism,” but the change from boy to raven obsessed him.
Fuck you, PCK. How do you justify making anyone famous as being a vampire? I mean, these vampires still live a long time, right? Bradbury grew up during the great depression and that shaped his work. So when you say “the ancient vampire” do you mean he’s still alive or that he’s been alive for longer? Are humans allowed to do anything influential in your universe, PCK?
Rephy is remembering how the first transformation surprised him with how bad it hurt. Stevie felt bad for him because he screamed and it was clearly painful. Rephy has tried to minimize her worry. It’s totally worth it if he gets to put his dick in the slightly less crazy that’s Stevie.
Then the teacher asks him a question about what Bradbury means in regards to some lines from the book. Someone tries to help Rephy and get called on it. The helpful kid, Drew, says he was just trying to help the birdboy. Teacher says that his name is Rephaim and all fledglings are equal in her class. Someone else is quick to point out the Rephy is not a vampire.
Drew and the rest stare at Rephy with hatred because the author is trying to artificially inject tension. The class ends and Damien escorts Rephy out of class, saying that it’s hard but it’ll be okay. Rephy says thanks and then realizes the next class is fencing with Dragoon. Rephy decides to skip and hang out in the grove until Spanish class. Then he looks up and notices three ravens staring at him.
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