Tempted Chapter 40 & Epilogue

Chapter 40

One of the things I tire of in fiction is all knowing gods who people just need to trust. What if PCK had the balls to make Nyx an idiot though? What if all she could do was give out powers? She couldn’t choose what they got, all she could do is pick someone she thinks is worthy and give them a blessing and what happens afterwards is out of her control?

It would explain how Neferet got her blessing in the first place, Nyx has terrible judgment. Plus she can’t interfere with people because they have free will. All she can do is ask or beg people to do her bidding. Not only would it fix a lot wrong with the series, it would also force Zoey to stop using her as a crutch.

We’re with Heath this time and he’s busy backfilling in details about his past with Zoey. Look ladies, you’ve have five books prior to this to do this. It’s a little fucking late to try and convince us that, no really, Zoey is actually a fully realized character.

First Heath whines about Zoey breaking his heart and then we learn about when he decided he was in love with her. Apparently at some point in third grade her awful mother got her a haircut that was short and ugly, because her mom was always evil now. Everyone laughed and he told her he liked her and she did “something to his heart”.

Heath is searching for some guy, not specified and hell if I know, who “has a piece of her heart”. He also talks about how he thinks things will get back to sort of normal after Kalona is dealt with because he suffers from genre blindness. Also, he’s somehow not used to the vampire stuff because it’s all so new.

Lucky for Heath, he stumbles upon Kalona and Neferet talking about their evil plans with the door wide open. Shock and awe, Kalona is lying by omission. Neferet doesn’t like it and Kalona asks if mortals don’t also select the truth as they see fit. This make Neferet whine about how he shouldn’t talk like they’re separated. Kalona says they are even if her powers are making her into something almost immortal.

“Yes, but Zoey isn’t anything close to immortal. I still believe we should kill her.”

“You are a bloodthirsty creature.” Kalona laughed. “What would you do, cut off her head and impale her as you did the other two who got in your way?”

‘Let’s see, what other evil things have we done we need to talk about?’ ‘Well, there are the wallets we stole, the litter we tossed out the window and the parking fines we’re not paying for.’ ‘I meant things that are incriminating.’ ‘Oh right. None I can think of. Now let’s have sex.’

Heath says he feels like he’s watching porn but can’t move until they’re actually doing it. I know what you mean, Heath. As soon as I see people making out, I’m frozen in place until I witness genital contact. That’s why I don’t go to romantic comedies anymore.

Neferet stops Kalona, saying that she can’t let him do her if he’s going to seduce Zoey. Apparently she was perfectly fine with Loren dipping his wick in crazy wax but won’t share him. Though she does warn him that she killed the last “male” who tried to claim her then disappears through a hedge.

Kalona then looks back right at Heath who is sure Kalona will kill him. He then calls to spirit, asking it to summon Zoey so he can tell her what he heard before he dies. Kalona threatens to kill Heath and then we kick over to Stark who’s wandering around.

He gets a feeling that means something is wrong. Yes, he’s trapped in a shitty series where death is the only exit. He also whines about feelings Zoey’s attraction for Kalona and how awful he is and there’s nothing good in him. Stark then gets hit with a bunch of emotions from Zoey.

Fear! Anger! Confusion!

You know they’re urgent because they used exclamation points. And really, why would you need to do anything more than tell us what emotions she’s feeling without embellishment? Sure you could say that she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to punch something or hide in her room and we’d know that she was feeling fear and anger mixed with confusion. But PCK is, if nothing else, the soul of efficiency with their words.

Stark runs to Zoey who’s trying to stop Kalona. Kalona snaps Heath’s neck just before Zoey throws a ball of spirit at him. Heath falls down dead and the ball of spirit energy knocks Kalona down. I guess these element can do whatever the fuck the plot needs them to.

Kalona then flies off into the night and Stark ignores the dead body to run to Zoey. And now all of her “tattoos”, excepting her vampire mark, are gone. Everyone is shocked that her “tattoos” are gone. Stark says that she knew it was too late and her soul has shattered. Her body is alive but she isn’t there. Then Stark begins to cry.

Epiogue

Because PCK wanted to give us one last finger before we were done with their shit. Zoey wakes up in the warm sun in a meadow. She resolves not to think about it, no change there I suppose. She then hears some noise and decides to wander off towards it.

The sound was coming from around a little bend in the lake’s shore, so I followed it, humming my favorite song from Hairspray softly to myself.

And what is your favorite song from Hairspray? Can I ask a stupid question, PCK? Do you have to drop in pointless pop culture references every so many pages? Unless that’s the result of a gypsy curse there’s no fucking excuse. If you’re going to do that, they should at least be related to the plot in someway.

Allow me to use an example from a wonderfully bad movie, Maximum Overdrive. There’s an AC/DC song playing in the opening credits called “Who Made Who”. Sure it was written for the soundtrack but it ties into the theme of rebellious machines in the movie. If the editor had played “White Christmas” because they really like that song, it would have made no sense whatsoever.

It turns out the sound she was hearing was someone casting a fishing line into a lake. Zoey comes upon Heath and tells us she doesn’t want to see him. She tells him he doesn’t belong there and Heath corrects her. He says this is the “otherworld”—how terribly fucking creative PCK—and that it’s she who should not be there.

Then is says the end and to tune into the next installment. So what the fuck was this book then, PCK? There was no climax, nothing revealed and nothing changed. Well, excepting Stevie but she doesn’t count. I’m pretty sure her parts were ghost written by an aspiring writer who desperately needed a paycheck where PCK needed padding.

I don’t expect the entire series to have wrapped up, though it would be nice if it just ended. At the very least there should be some sort of build up an payoff within the novel that meant something. Even long winded fantasy authors have the sense to have small climaxes punctuating smaller parts of their ongoing series. At the very least, Zoey should have foiled their plans to sway the vampire council into believing Kalona was Erebus.

On the upside, at least Heath managed to escape the yoke of Zoey. After a couple of appearances in Zoey’s dreams, he might even get to duck out of the series altogether. Though I do think that’s a shitty way to narrow down Zoey’s romantic interests.