So one of those things I’ve been thinking about regarding this series is villains. specifically Neferet as a villain. For one, she’s very weak in spite of PCK’s constant reminders how “powerful” her voice or looks are. For another, her motivation hasn’t really been explored or fleshed out. As far as I’ve gotten, she hates humans because her dad was awful. But even then her “war on humans” makes no sense as humans are both their food supply and source of new vampires.
There is a better villain just waiting in the wings though. One who PCK has used as a red herring at every given opportunity. Good old Stepdad. And it would make perfect sense if you think about it. For one, they’ve said that Kalona resembles an angel but with black wings. Kalona could simply get help from Stepdad by whispering in his ear and pretending to be an archangel or something. He could say he was trapped in the earth by the vampires when he was sent to turn them towards god and now he needs an earthly agent to help carry out his divine mission.
Bam, now you have a credible villain who would gladly work for someone bent on enslaving the vampires. Have Kalona lend him some power so he’s superhuman and he’d make a hell of a sub boss. PCK could even have kept Neferet as another lieutenant to Kalona if they really wanted. Imagine Zoey having to return to school where Stepdad awaits to bring her to jesus? That would be a bit tense.
We rejoin Zoey after the mandatory page break which accomplishes nothing. Beavis and Butthead apologize about their remark about Heath. Don’t worry, it’s not because they realize they’re acting immature and pathetic, it’s because Erik has taken offense. And Erik has taken offense because some other alpha dog has dared piss on his lamppost.
So, without meeting my eyes, Erik slid his hands under my shoulders and gently lifted my torso off the table. While I gritted my teeth against the pain and Aphrodite wrapped the Ace bandage around me, I wondered what the hell I was going to do about Erik and Heath. Erik and I were supposedly back together, but after the scene in the basement I wasn’t one hundred percent sure we should be together. I mean, he said he loved me, which was all well and good, but did loving me mean he’d turned all possessive and jerkish? And besides that, was what we had together strong enough to tolerate another Imprint with Heath, especially now that it wasn’t just an abstract idea? Now that he’d seen Heath and me together, was there any way Erik and I could be together?
Oh my god! Erik lifted her torso off the table! I have to presume that Zoey’s appendages have remained behind. That was probably a botched bit of first aid by Darius. He handles every wound by amputation. And is now really the time to be thinking about your relationship problems? Why does Zoey expect him to be perfect a mere few days after he walked in on her fucking Loren? It’s been, what, a week?
And can I ask why Zoey had to imprint with Heath anyway? Couldn’t they have avoided the whole thing by bleeding him into a bowl or something? I presume that vampires don’t “imprint” with humans when they drink their blood out of the bag so there has to be something about the physical act of drinking from them. So let’s save Heath and everyone a whole lot of needless trouble by drawing blood from him with a needle and feeding it to Zoey.
Zoey looks at Erik and says he looks very sad but she cares about Heath and blah blah blah. Why do you care about these guys again, Zoey? Mostly you just bitch about how they annoy you. Wah wah wah, Erik wants to have sex and Heath isn’t a vampire. The only thing that Zoey likes about them is how hot they are and how everyone else wants them too. Zoey then whines about how rough it was to have them both in there and how hard it is to be her.
Aphro finishes bandaging Zoey up because she’s now designated nurse and Erik puts her down on a pillow. Mustn’t let queen ego experience even the slightest discomfort. Lest she summon a firenado and roast everyone alive for letting her suffer. Erik then tells them to get ready to go.
“That means we have to get our purses from Kramisha’s room,” Shaunee said.
“Like I would forget my new winter season Ed Hardy purse, Twin?” Erin said.
As if I needed more confirmation that Beavis and Butthead are irrepressible douchebags. Anyone want to bet that PCK just wanted to let the audience know that their characters are trendy and cool and just name dropped a fashion line they saw at the mall? Because anyone who’s been online for more than five minutes since oh nine has probably heard that Ed Hardy clothing is the mark of a douche.
Jack says he wants to go too but Darius says they have to stay there. This causes him so much grief that he’ll have to wear much eyeliner. Then Aphro says that she’s going to get her cat and Zoey asks if they shouldn’t leave their cats there.
Aphrodite raised a blond brow at me. “Since when could cats be told what to do?”
Uh, since about thousands of years ago? And that doesn’t even make sense, Aphro. If you’re going to get your cat that implies you’re taking it along which it doesn’t want to do. Because if that’s what your cat wanted to come along, it would just be waiting.
Here’s a neat tidbit for you, PCK. Did you know cats can be bathed on a regular basis? It’s true, I’ve seen it done. They can also be trained to use a toilet rather than a litter box if you have the patience. Sometimes, they’re even trained to do commands on cue for things like commercials, television and movies! So please, PCK, no matter how cute you may think it is, stop trying to tell us how independent cats are. Just because your cats figured out the can opener before you did doesn’t mean they’re smarter than us.
With everyone else out of the room, Erik goes to leave. Zoey wants him to stop because she wants to talk. Erik spins around and says he’s mad but mostly at himself. He says if he hadn’t been a douche, she wouldn’t have stepped outside with Heath and then they wouldn’t be imprinted. Zoey forgives him and, because he admitted fault first, says that it’s her fault too. Erik says he doesn’t know how well he can put up with her “human boyfriend” and Zoey thinks she doesn’t know how long she can put up with his “possessiveness” but won’t bring it up until later.
Just a quick note there, Zoey. How is Erik possessive? Because he calls Heath what he is, your human boyfriend? I mean, if Heath wasn’t your boytoy and Erik’s accusations were paranoia, at the very least you’d be telling us that he’s in no way dating you. However, your silence on the matter indicates he’s not far off. If you don’t want a monogamous relationship, fine Zoey. But don’t get mad at Erik for wanting one when you haven’t told him he should expect anything else. I mean, it’s not like you don’t get sexual pleasure drinking from Heath.
In all honesty, that’s probably what’s pissing Erik off the most. He has to sit there and watch as Zoey has sex with Loren then practically orgasms while drinking blood from Heath. Then, when he tries to initiate sex with the girl he loves, she rebuffs him saying she’s not a slut. What next? Will Erik have to hold the camera while Zoey films an amateur porn, all the while being reminded that she’s not ready for sex?
Zoey and Erik start discussing Heath and how he’s her consort and that’s what it’s called when a priestess takes a human lover. When she takes a vampire he’s called her mate and, by the way, she can have both. Oh, the opportunity for drama! Erik says they’re together and he wants them to stay together while Zoey thinks that’s not such a good idea but won’t voice her opinion because she knows women are meant to be seen and not heard. Seriously, PCK, I don’t feel bad for Zoey’s “drama. She brings it on herself.
So they kiss, because Zoey has the spine of a tubeworm, and Zoey hears Heath clear his throat. Now it’s his turn to play jilted lover and be hurt. He says the roads are too bad to go home so he’s staying there. Kramisha, who was just waiting nearby I guess, says that’s fine because she can smell Zoey on him and he’ll be safe. Then she says she has more poetry for Zoey if she cares and all the slaves look over the stupid poem.
“That makes my head hurt. I mean, more than it already does. I cannot tell you how much I hate poetry,” Aphrodite said.
Aphro can still be likable when she wants to be. Aphro, it’s not the poetry itself, it’s the source. It listed five things that will make Kalona run; night, spirit, blood, humanity and earth. They ask why not kill and Zoey says he’s immortal and can’t be killed. Well not if you don’t try, wuss. They realize those might be clues to getting rid of Kalona. Then they read another poem that hints at “A-ya” being brought back and saving someone. Not that PCK would come out and say it but we get it.
Kramisha makes some guesses about the poem and they ask why she says so. Kramisha says that’s her job as the new “poet laureate”. Everyone looks at Zoey who says she’ appointed her that pending their votes, of course. So they do a quick vote and everyone agrees she should be the vampire poet.
“Ditto. We’re due for a female Poet Laureate,” Erin said.
Wait, what? I vaguely remember PCK telling us how Loren was the first male “poet laureate” in a hundred years or so. Let me backtrack here, hum de dum, searchy searchy searchy. Yup, back in “marked”, chapter fifteen during the first ritual Zoey attended. They specifically said Loren was the first “male Poet Larueate in two hundred years”. Man, memories are a bitch, aren’t they PCK? Especially when some internet prick has one that works better than yours.
The poems make them mention Stark which causes Heath and Erik to roll their eyes and flip out. Zoey then remembers, yet again, how they had instant rapport and how sexy it was to make out with a dying boy. Erik gets mad that she knew about his power and he didn’t, in spite of being a teacher. Before they can get too mad Zoey guilts them all into shutting up. Then she whines about being in a “situation” with three guys not counting Kalona.
Vivisector's Writ 