Hunted Chapter 2

We break no continuity by rejoining Zoey as she’s just woken up. She tells herself that Kalona can get into her dreams but not to worry. That won’t prevent her from worrying herself sick as a dog at the slightest opportunity. She decides to check on Stevie for no reason. Stevie is sleeping well in spite of the arrow wound, smiling in her sleep. Zoey won’t allow someone else to be enjoy their rest if she can’t so she wakes Stevie up.

Zoey asks Stevie how she’s doing. Well, she was doing fine in slumberland where she could pretend she wasn’t wearing a yoke you held, Zoey. And aside from the arrow hole in her, she’s doing perfectly fine. Stevie isn’t bleeding or even complaining about the wound. Which only lends credence that she’s a member of the undead who can only be stopped by a beheading. But remember, humans got everything about vampires wrong because they’re all racist.

Zoey then says it’s hard to believe it’s only been a few hours. Not really, Zoey. Your author has a worse grasp on time than a lobotomized ferret. And we all know how terrible ferrets are at time management skills. Why I once put one in charge of updating my posts for me and all it did was prance about on the keyboard and poop in the corner. Zoey decides to stay awake in case the nightmare man comes visiting again.

I remembered that Stevie Rae had, unbelievably, asked me to get a pencil and some paper ‘cause she thought it would be a good time to make a list of stuff that we needed to get down in the tunnels so that we’d have the right supplies and whatnot if we had to stay hidden for a while.

Wait, Stevie came up with this? Is it just me or is Zoey the worst possible leader? She’s done nothing but screw up, including being responsible for releasing Kalona, failing to stop Kalona or Neferet and letting her Stevie and Heath suffer while she dicked around with Loren. On the other hand you have Stevie. She was being carried back bleeding, near death and she had the presence of mind to tell Zoey to make a list of necessary supplies.

Zoey then thinks back to Stevie challenging her leadership. Zoey had told Stevie that now is not the time to make lists. Really? And when would the time to make lists be, Zoey? Is it before or after you’ve released another satan stand in upon the world? I can see Stevie’s logic at least. Keep Zoey busy with minor things and she can’t screw up. Then Zoey comments on Aphro being sweet to Darius when introducing him to Stevie and how odd that is.

“He’s a Son of Erebus warrior,” Aphrodite had added, giving him a surprisingly sweet smile. I describe it as surprisingly sweet because Aphrodite is usually selfish, spoiled, hateful, and kinda hard to tolerate in general, even though I’m starting to like her. In other words, she’s definitely not sweet, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that she really had a thing for Darius, hence the unusual sweetness.

Look, Zoey. Just because you’ve never seen Aphro act sweet to someone doesn’t mean it’s unusual. Maybe she just hates you and your stupid face. It’s quite possible that she turns into a wonderful person the moment you turn around. Or maybe, she’s very nice and you’re just a lying narrator, Zoey. But no, Aphro is turning good because she is and she’s being nicer because she’s in love with Darius. Love is to characters what duct tape is to handymen.

Beavis and Butthead flirt with Darius because they’re basically frat boys with vaginas. Aphro scowls at them, saying he’s taken and Beavis and Butthead complain that their boyfriends aren’t there. That’s because you made them up. Everyone know you aren’t dating some guys up in Canada, ladies.

Jack magically appears with a first aid kit saying it was just where Stevie said it would be. That she had the foresight to get a first aid kit just shows how much better off they’d be if she was in charge. Then Damien comes in and says he’s very impressed by the appliances and electricity. Then he uses a French word, because big words just weren’t fancy enough, and no one figures out what it means. Someone take PCK’s word of the day calendar away before I beat them to death with it.

Damien makes catty insults to them about not having a vocabulary because he’s smart. I suspect he’s the kind of dickhead who combs through word lists online takes every chance to drop a new one. Darius, while examining the arrow, says he’ll have to cut off the “quill”.

Look PCK, it’s called a fucking fletching for fuck’s sake! You have one goddamned job and that’s to write like you know something. All you had to do was google arrow and look at the wiki entry on it. It says it right there in the summary, arrowhead, shaft and fletching in that order. We’re not talking quantum physics here, it’s a weapon that’s existed longer than the written word. It’d be like if an author referred to a pop can as a drink cylinder or shoes as foot coverings. What’s worse is this is a “warrior” who’s saying this. Even is Zoey doesn’t know the word, Darius should. And as if PCK hadn’t already driven me to seeing red, she drops this.

Oh, Jack and Damien are a couple. Which means they’re gay teenagers. Hello. It happens. More often than you’d expect. Wait, scratch that. It happens more often than parents expect.

There is not enough fire in the world to burn the stupid out of you, PCK. You don’t have to stop the story and start moralizing at people. Were you worried that everyone thought you were a bigot? Or is this insurance against the future? Try showing and not telling us, PCK. It’d be so very easy that it hurt my brain when you missed it. Just have Jack get squeamish when Darius goes to pull out the arrow and he seeks comfort in Damien’s arms. Then the detail you’re trying to get across gets woven into the story.

To be fair, that’s how PCK treats all of her characters like that. Zoey has to stop and tell us what their single defining traits are. Stevie is a redneck, Aphro is a brat, Damien and Jack are gay and Beavis and Butthead are horny. Everyone is one note in the dullest chord we heard before.

Erik shows up with a radio, which will be perfect for receiving those bits of PlotNews needed to drive the story. He says Stevie looks bad and everyone says they’re not in the mood for food while Zoey tells us about the undeadlings. This brings Zoey to wondering where Venus is and trying to remember what she looked like. Then Zoey says that she must have been beautiful because Aphro doesn’t believe in having ugly friends. Which is nothing like Zoey, who’s been best friends with Elliott and other social misfits since junior high.

Darius says that the radio can wait but Stevie must be attended. Stevie then sends everyone away except Zoey and Darius. Zoey asks why and Stevie says that Zoey’s their priest and needs to help out. Wow, Stevie might be far smarter than I ever guessed. Here she is being a better leader and putting the screws to Zoey.

Then Zoey says she feels a burning sensation and she knows what that means. That she picked up gonorrhea from Loren. Or that her special mark has gotten bigger for no reason. Everyone gasps in shock at her mark and Zoey takes time to wax about how no other fledgling has marking like hers. Also, everyone is just amazed at Zoey’s marks. This way she gets to look like someone who spent thousands of dollars on ink but hasn’t actually had the guts to go under the needle.

Blah blah blah, jokes about food and Damien and Jack blah blah. Everyone goes to their tasks and Darius tells them to get wine laced with blood to help Stevie recover. Luckily they have a fridge full of the stuff because otherwise Stevie would be in peril. The others talk about Erik before leaving, with Beavis and Butthead talking about tempting him. Then they bicker with Aphro because that wasn’t old in the first book or anything. Once they’re gone Zoey complains about being in the room with just Darius, Aprho, Stevie and her and the chapter end without any cliffhanger.

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1 Response to Hunted Chapter 2

  1. Jenn says:

    You know, I’m not sure about this, but I get the feeling that Damien and Jack may be gay. Just a hunch, although I have no idea why I would think that.

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