Untamed Chapter 18

So why did the nun talk in innuendo if she knew Aphro was playing with a cat? It seems like she’d just tell Zoey that Aphro was playing with her new cat. Unless she was trying to cause a misunderstanding. But why would a nice nun try and cause interpersonal problems between people? Unless the author made her do it because Nun1 was the nearest person who could make it happen.

I know, you’re all shocked to learn that PCK is terrible at writing. Lame conventions and clichés abound. Would you be surprised to learn that they start off the chapter badly? No?

Darius volunteered to stay in the car and babysit Maleficent while Aphrodite and I got something to eat, which I thought was above and beyond the call of duty.

Why so many dull details, PCK? Who cares what happened to the stupid cat while they go in to eat? You could just send Aphro and Zoey into the place and I’d assume they left the cat alone with Darius. There wasn’t one person in the audience who was worried about the cat. So why did you waste the ink, PCK? Because you’re a terrible writer and your editor drinks to forget.

As they go inside, Zoey tells Aphro that he’s too good for her and Aphro agrees. What? Zoey doesn’t believe she heard her right and Aphro says she knows she treats her boyfriends bad. She says that Darius will put up with her for awhile and then break up with her when he’s worn out.

There are two things wrong with that, PCK. One, what makes Darius so good again? Yes, he’s very nice to Zoey but that is not the litmus test for good and evil. He’s done nothing to indicate any real personality. Secondly, why does Aphro know she’s a bad person to date? Why can’t she just have bad habits like a real person? Or maybe her personality clashes with them eventually? Is it because she’s the designated blonde bitch? Or is that her punishment for giving a blow job?

Zoey asks if Aphro has considered being nice and Aphro says yes. Then she says that her cat chose her because that’s how cats work. Look, PCK, you may love cats, you may thing they’re little fury angels who meow hymns and piss sacred wine wherever they choose but cats generally don’t care who adopts them. Do you give them food? A warm place to sleep? The occasional pat on the head and a treat? Then you’re good enough.

Aphro explains why she’s getting all emotional about the cat, because author forbid Zoey tell us or figure it out. Aphro says that it makes her feel like a part of everything in spite of not being a vampire. Zoey says not to worry and feel like an outsider because she’s a part of the DDs and a part of Nyx.

Wait, what? She’s a part of Nyx? What kind of weird theology are you making up now, PCK? Aphro complains about her life and then whines about the food. She asks if they have diet and Zoey sneers at Aphro and says there’s nothing diet in that place. Zoey could care less if someone else wants to watch their calorie intake. Screw people and their desire not to gain weight.

Since it really was fast food, it didn’t take long to fill our order, and Aphrodite and I found a semi-clean table and started shoving greasy fried chicken and catsup-slathered fries into our faces. Now, don’t get me wrong. Even though I was shoveling in the chicken and fries ’cause we needed to get back to school and it was rude to lounge around while Darius babysat Aphrodite’s cat from hell, I savored every bite. I mean, after a couple months of really nutritious, excellent food from the House of Night cafeteria, my taste buds needed a dose of disgustingly delicious and utterly not-good-for-me food. Yum. Seriously.

Yeah, because you never get anything more than salads, ice water and a single slice of wheat toast, Zoey. All those trips to Starbucks and waffles and cookies don’t count. They sit around talking about everything that Zoey talked to Stevie about. Blah blah blah, they’re friends and Stark is dead, blah blah. Zoey tells Aphro that Stark will have to be fed and Aphro whines about him needing blood.

“It squees me out, too, but there’s no denying the power of it,” I admitted uncomfortably.

Squees? As in the noise made by excitable fangirls of a certain age? The same noise which heralds the return of darkness upon the land? So Zoey gets excited about blood? I’d say it’s fitting but I know that’s not how PCK intended the word. Aphro says that blood is like or better than sex according to their sociology textbook.

Zoey says that she has to move him and then be prepared to feed him if he comes back. Aphro says that’ll be hard because, no doubt, Neferet it keeping a close eye on him. Aphro says that Zoey needs a “nanny cam”. Zoey, being the poor suburban girl with access to modern technology, has no idea what that is so Aphro explains. Then she says that Jack can install it because he’s good with electronics. Aphro offers to buy the kind with a portable monitor so she can carry it around with her. And suddenly I’m having Mission Earth flashbacks.

Then they talk about the upcoming ritual and how Stevie will sub for Aphro. They talk about how they need the red vampires to come forward…because they do. I agree but only so they can be tried for murder and sentenced to death by rug burn. Aphro says she understands why Zoey wants the reveal to happen at the ritual because she’s counting on Sheky to help her out. Hurray for things we already know! It’s like being forced to repeat the third grade for the seventh time.

Zoey talks about how Neferet plans on a war between humans and vampires. She says she’s gotten a bad feeling about it expecially since the day Nyx appeared before them. So Zoey’s only had a bad feeling since yesterday? This is the problem with the compressed timeline. Zoey also whines about feeling like she’s being watched. That’s the audience, Zoey, and we’re all just waiting to wrap your throat in fiberwire and dump you in a laundry hamper.

Zoey asks Aphro what she feels and Aphro says not much. Zoey presses her through because Aphro had that choose your own adventure vision about Zoey’s death. Aphro says that might be why Zoey has a bad feeling. They continue to hash out things we’ve already been over until Zoey hears a “familiar laugh”.

He was carrying a tray filled with his favorite combo meal (the Number 3, with extra-large fries), along with a tiny kids’ meal. You know, one of those meals that girls get when they’re on a date so they look like they don’t eat much, and then they go home and snarf down the refrigerator when they’re alone. The girl with him wasn’t carrying anything, but she was sticking her hand in his front pocket (front! pocket!), playfully trying to cram a wad of bills into it. But he is majorly ticklish, which is why, even though he was unnaturally pale and had bruised-looking dark circles under his eyes, he was laughing like a total moron while she smiled up at him with a flirty little grin.

What a man-whore Heath is, letting some girl put her hand in his “front! pocket!”. And not all women order tiny little kids meals because they’re crazy and shallow, PCK. Also, so what if Heath’s out with a girl? It’s good for him after what Zoey did to him. He’s basically just recovering from being her mind slave and now she’s getting possessive.

Aphro looks over and remarks that looks like her old human boyfriend. As soon as Zoey says his name he looks, then comes over while his date sits away from them. Zoey introduces him to Aphro and things are awkward. He offers to talk with her alone and Zoey says she can’t because that would be bad.

Heath then talks about how something happened the other night. Zoey says yes, their imprint was broken and he asks how. Zoey says she imprinted with someone else and Heath asks who but Zoey doesn’t tell him. Surprisingly, Heath figures out that Zoey had sex with this other guy. Zoey nods and starts saying that she didn’t mean to hurt him and it’s not her fault.

Heath says to spare him and asks how could she do this to them? Aphro tries to snipe at him for being out with a woman on a date. Yeah, after Zoey broke their imprint and left him hanging. Then he mentions the girl is a friend who used to be Zoey’s friend too. Zoey recognizes her and waves. Then Heath asks if Zoey knows what breaking an imprint felt like.

Zoey says that it hurts the human because she read it in a textbook. Heath says that he felt what was going on and knew they were boning. Then it broke and he was left feeling empty and depressed. Zoey says she’s sorry and Heath says that’s not good enough and that he’s still attached to her but he never wants to see her ever again. Good boy Heath, you get a cookie.

Heath then manages to walk back to the other girl and leave without looking back at Zoey. Zoey narrates it as full of drama, saying that Heath walked out of her life forever. Like you really care, Zoey. Admit it, he was a self delivering snack that would boost your ego anytime you wanted, not a person. Anyone want to bet Zoey will forget about him before the night is done in spite of how much she’ll complain?