So I know that I don’t say a lot of positive things about the books I’m ripping into. To be fair, it’s not what we’re here for, none of the authors who’ve been mentioned here need me to pat them on the head and tell them they did good. That’s why their agents get ten percent. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see good when it pokes its head out every so often.
The one positive thing I can’t argue with is that PCK’s vampires are closer to being vampires than those things Otis used . They’re not just super humans who happen to subsist on an all liquid diet. Zoey is clearly weak when it comes to drinking blood. No matter what she says, when someone offers it to her she just can’t say no. No doubt Zoey’s desire to drink will be instantly curbed by the goddess and she’ll be immune to the compulsion and blah blah blah. Until that happens I can pretend that she’s only a hair away from pulling the heads of the nearest pack of girl scouts and knocking them back like morbid juice boxes.
We resume right off where we were last chapter with Heath leaking blood into Zoey’s mouth. And Zoey getting close to having her very first orgasm.
The taste exploded in my mouth. As my saliva touched the shallow wound his blood began to flow more quickly, and with a moan that I hardly recognized as my own, I opened my mouth and pressed my lips to his skin, licking up the delicious scarlet line. I felt Heath’s arms go around me as mine wrapped around his shoulders so that I could hold him more firmly against my mouth. His head fell back and I heard him groan “yes.” One of his hands cupped my butt and the other one went under my sweater to squeeze my breast.
Ah, going the route of Rice and having feeding being a sensual experience I see. What if, and this is just me spit-balling here, it wasn’t pleasant for the vampire? What if blood tasted just the same as a vampire as to a human or even if it was disgusting? That might drive someone crazy, craving something that made you sick or having doing something that hurts you even as is sustains you. Watching a character struggle to maintain sanity under those conditions might be interesting.
But because PCK hasn’t had an original thought in her head before, it’ll just be the same thing we’ve read a thousand times before. For the three people worried that Zoey will lose her virginity and become a slut—that is to say PC, her mom and daughter—the virgin police arrive in time to stop it. A security guard starts knocking on the passenger window and says they can’t make out there. He tells them to knock it off or he’ll take down their names and call their parents.
Ok, again, this is just stupid. Most places won’t spend the money to have a security guard wandering the parking lot. And the places that need on site security, usually have bigger things to worry about like watching for thieves trying to jimmy open doors or stealing scooters. And most security guards aren’t confrontational jackasses who didn’t qualify for the academy. At most, he’d wander over and say that some people are complaining and could they take it somewhere else.
I mean, really, why did it have to be a prick security guard? Why not someone who gets offended watching teens make out in public? They could simply walk by and yell at them to get a room which would wake Zoey out of her blood drinking trance so she could go on and be embarrassed. And of course he walks away muttering about “damn teenagers” because he’s a generic crotchety person. I was surprised he didn’t start complaining about their hula hoops and rock and roll music.
Zoey finally pulls away from Heath and throws him a tissue to hold to his neck. She says he has to go now and he says not until she listens to what he has to say. Zoey is amazed at how calm he sounds and asks how he can be composed. Heath says it’s easy because she drives him wild. That and the whole being hypnotized by a vampire makes it easy to just not care.
Then Zoey tells us how they’ve had the conversation about how she wasn’t planning on having sex with him when they were dating but that their make out sessions got pretty serious. Now she says that if she doesn’t stop seeing him she won’t be a virgin for long but not because he’d pressure her but because Zoey won’t be able to control her bloodlust. At least until Zoey has that urge removed by the goddess. Or it’ll become something that she only enjoys when she wants to.
Whatever Heath wanted to tell Zoey gets completely forgotten. He does ask her back out for Friday after he plays the big game. Zoey says that he’s too adorable and can’t say no so she agrees. Then he takes off and Zoey wonders what she’s getting herself into. It’s called a harem, Zoey.
When Zoey gets back to the vampire dorm, it’s two thirty five. Nothing like cutting it close, eh Zoey? Again, it’s a really good thing that no one ever sets their car clock ahead and that they’re never wrong. Otherwise you might be to able to save people. Also, why the hell did she have to go back to the dorm? Yes, the phone was in her bedroom drawer but why not take the damn thing with her? That’s the amazing thing about cell phones; they’re mobile.
So Zoey dials the FBI, mutters her bomb threat as quickly as possible, without letting the person on the other end speak, and hangs up when she’s done. She doesn’t believe it will be a problem because the call was being recorded. Nice to know that Zoey may not know how relationships work but she knows the inner workings of the FBI like the back of her hand. Then she calls the local news station and tells them the same thing. When they start to ask her questions because Zoey pauses, she shouts “down with the government” and hangs up.
Stevie is now awake and hears Zoey yelling anti-government sentiments. She knocks on the door and they start talking about all the things Zoey’s done the last two chapters. She called a local affiliate, the FBI and then made out with Heath. That’s not a full day for an unemployed slacker living in their parents basement. This all spills out because Stevie notices that Zoey’s mark is covered up and she deduces that Zoey must have gone somewhere.
Need I say that we’re forced to read Zoey and Stevie talking about everything? Probably not. When Stevie hears about Heath—while Zoey skips over the blood drinking—she breathlessly gasps that Zoey has “a zillion guys” now. Three guys isn’t even an appreciable fraction of a zillion, Stevie. But nonetheless, she’s impressed and starts asking Zoey who she likes more of the three. Zoey has no idea because there’s nothing like an indecisive hero who just can’t make up their mind. Unwilling to figure anything out, Stevie says it’s time to go.
“You need your Count Chocula fix, and I need my Lucky Charms. And we both need to watch CNN and the local news.”
Remember, folks, the vampires only let the kids eat “healthy” food. That is unless PCK can’t imagine living without it and then it gets an exception. I’m honestly surprised there isn’t some particular flavor of ice cream in the freezer that happens to eb PCK’s favorite.
Zoey says ok and that she wants a “brown pop”. Stevie asks if that’s what she wants for breakfast and Zoey says that it feels like a “brown pop for breakfast kind of day”. Because after you’ve pranked a government agency and a TV station, you’re bound to need a little pick-me-up. Plus she’s probably starving after eating the huge muffin and that cappuccino an hour ago.
Vivisector's Writ 