Final Thoughts on Inheritance

A lot of consequences in life aren’t the outcome of a single decision, most. They’re often the accumulation of little choices that stack up before we realize. But there are solitary moments that change everything.

Stephen King wrote about how he the first thing he sold for money were copies of a short story that basically lifted one of Poe’s shorts—the Pit and the Pendulum I believe—when he was in school for a quarter a piece. He also said that he got in trouble for it and was forced to return the money to every kid that had paid him.

I kind of wonder what this story would have been like if something like that had ever happened to Chris. If instead of just blindly encouraging him, his parents had taken him aside and critiqued him. Maybe if they’d been dismissive entirely and Chris had been forced to work at it without their support he would have become a better writer. But that single decision to support him has changed his life.

Chris wrote Eragon and got published and happened to hit a collective nerve that made him a bestseller. Now Chris thinks that what he puts out is okay, that he doesn’t need to improve and now it’s too late for him. He’s already drunk on a false sense of self worth. Sure, Chris could sit down and develop himself as an author now that he’s got the “inheritance saga” finished. But I’d bet dollars to donuts that his next book will be like Meyer’s “the host”, worse than the books that made him famous.

I say this with confidence because of the acknowledgment in the end of the book. Chris says that he doubted whether or not he’d finish the series and it was the hardest thing he’s ever done. Probably because he didn’t want to be caught imitating anything but couldn’t dredge up an original thought to save his life. He goes on to say he’s proud of this book but he says he’s going to move on to new characters and stories which is daunting.

Daunting because it means having to fantasize about being someone else and not having elves and dragons. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if his next story was about a man in his mid to late twenties who has to help destroy a prototype power core by dropping it into a mega black hole before the bad guys get it and use it to rule the galaxy. He’ll probably be called Duke and be the best laser sword fighter in the quadrant. Chris does threaten us with more of Eragon though.

I don’t intend to abandon Alagaësia, however. I’ve put too much time and effort into building this world, and at some point in the future, I will return to it. That may not occur for another few years, or it might happen next month. At the moment, I can’t say. When I do return to it, I hope to address a few of the mysteries that I left unresolved in this series.

Mysteries? What mysteries? You mean like how come Eragon can be made faster and stronger but no one else can? Or do you mean to explain how Gabby with only thirteen henchmen, managed to kill every other rider? Or why he never left the capital? How about why nobody mentioned the dragon killing spears until the last book? Especially since it proved incredibly useful against Gabby. Face it Chris, there are no mysteries in your stories other than how you can tolerate them.

I think that all of Chris’s books can be summed up in a single, solitary sentence. It doesn’t make sense. That’s probably not fair. That one declaration dismissing thousands of words like that. But this story is like a thick fog that blows away when a stiff breeze comes along. But I could name dozens of instances that just don’t make sense.

For one, how come Eragon thinks he’ll be gone for so long? Dragons can breed at only a few months old and they have “racial memory”. It’s not like Eragon is going to have to spend a few decades raising one or two dragons from birth and teaching them how to talk, hunt and fly. He could raise a few and in six years, leave them to their own devices. I’m pretty sure dragons were raising their young before the elves came along and screwed everything up.

Secondly, if Eragon and Arya care about each other, why not keep in contact? Sure, it would have been lame but everything Chris writes is. Chatting via mirror might be annoying but they’re both immortal. Distance for immortals is merely an inconvenience, not something to cry about.

Thirdly, why is everyone so mistrusting of human magicians? The only ones who ever did anythigng “bad” were the namesless twins who took Murtagh away to Gabby. And yet no one mistrusts the elves to abuse their magic in spite of the humans not trusting them otherwise.

If I keep going I’ll just end up repeating myself more than Chris and his variants of strode. He does go on to tell us who shares the blame for inflicting this on all of us.

Michelle Frey. Editor of this series and the second worst person involved. She failed to catch continuity errors and trim the fat of this book. Special mention goes to her assistant, Kelly Delaney, who was forced to make a synopsis of the first three books. Kelly, I pity you for having had to read these and summarize them but at least you got paid for it.

Judith Haut was the head of promotions and Chris assures us that without her few people would have heard of this series. So thanks for making sure that someone’s fanfiction got spread around like the clap at a political convention with one hooker.

John Jude Palencar—yes, very clever Chris—deserves special mention for the cover art he did on all four books. Thank you for making all of the dragons look like feathered apes rather than scaly, flying eating machines.

He also thanks his “fellow author” Tad Williams for telling Chris to use a slate mine during the assault on Aroughs. Hey, Chris? For the last time, it’s called a quarry, you douche. And if your “fellow author” didn’t tell you that he’s a bigger douche than you. And because Chris recommends him, I’d say to stay away from the books by Tad.

Chris signs off with a bit of his made up elf language after thanking a bunch of fans. Here’s to hoping Chris discovers his lifelong passion for selling vitamins online and forgets about writing ever again.

For the next book, I’m taking a shot at the first in the “house of night” series. It’s yet another book about vampires aimed at teenage girls and anyone who’s managed to wear out their Buffy/Angel DVDs. This series’ claim to fame comes from it being coauthored by a mother/daughter team. It started in ’09 and they’re already made eight of the damn things so you just know the authors are focused on quality. Don’t worry though, I’m not planning on doing the entire series right now. We’ll have to see how the first one goes.