Inheritance Chapter 36

This chapter is called “the word of a rider”. Which must mean Eragon is about to throw down some law the peasants. Because his word is as binding as any king and he can just make precedent by speaking.

Eragon runs out of his tent with Arya but not before grabbing Brisingr. Which was an important detail Chris wouldn’t want to omit. I didn’t know he took his sword off but not knowing that he was carrying it around like comfort blanket as is usual, I might have thought he was vulnerable. Eragon stumbles around though, incapacitated by all the drinking.

Balance is gone, thought Eragon. Can’t trust my vision. Have to clear my mind. Have to—

‘Have…to, narrate…like……Shatner. Must….act like a total ham and, insert…random pauses.’ Saphira then flies overhead and she’s also confused. Then Thorn appears in a burst of wind all red and sparkliness, but in an evil way because he’s red, and lands in front of Nasuada’s tent. Maybe he’s just stopping by to thank her for the rousing battle earlier and to apologize for leaving all those corpses behind when they fled.

Eragon heard Nasuada’s guards shouting; then Thorn swung his right forepaw across the ground, and half the shouts went silent.

Look, Chris, we’ve been over this. Unless they’re relatives of Falcor’s, Saphira and him don’t have paws. I know you don’t want to say claw but why mention it at all? You could simply say that Thorn slashed at the guards and killed them. It seems like it’d be simple and to the point, something you might want if this book is intended for the “young adult” audience. Oh, and now Thorn has some “rigging” attached to Thorn’s side which is carrying Imperials.

This leads to an awkward fight scene involving, Imperials, Varden, Eragon and Arya, a couple of elves and the dragons. Saphira slaps the ground with her tail which knock some “soldiers”—presumably Imperial—down but Eragon grabs Arya for support. The elves stand in front of Eragon and then Angela jumps out of her tent wielding…let me just show you.

The herbalist was wearing a red nightgown, her curly hair was in disarray, and in each hand she wielded a wool comb. The combs were three feet long and had two rows of steel tines mounted at an angle on the ends. The tines were longer than Eragon’s forearm and were sharpened to needle-like points—he knew that if you pricked yourself, you could catch blood poisoning from the unwashed wool they had been drawn through.

There’s just so much wrong with that. One, where did she get dirty wool combs from? Was there a sheep in her tent? Is Angela into something we’re better off not knowing? Secondly, why would she wield those when she has her magic sword? Third, how does Eragon know that you could catch blood poisoning from dirty wool combs? They don’t have germ theory in Alagaёsia yet unless Pasteur is going to make a sudden appearance.

And of course Chris has to tell us that, contrary to looking silly, Angela looks ferocious. No, Chris, she looks like a moron. A bunch of “soldiers” surround her and Eragon’s worried she’ll be overtaken. Then about forty werecats show up and tear into them.

Saphira tells Eragon to get on her back but before he does, Arya cast the hangover cure so he doesn’t have to fight impaired. And that flushing you hear is the tension going down with the turd that is this book. Watching Eragon struggle to fight, let alone fight well, while intoxicated would have proved a challenge. It would have been interesting to see Eragon struggling with his own body as well as his opponent. But that might be interesting and it’s far better to watch Eragon carve through bad guys like rice paper.

Let’s see, Glaedr messages everyone and wants to order them around, Arya runs off to get the dauthdaert amd Glaedr is filled with rage. Then the dragons get back to fighting, with their “paws” again, and Eragon notices Murtagh isn’t anywhere to be seen. He doesn’t worry about this as he’s tossed around by the fight. Luckily he has a good grip on one of Saphira’s spike. Did I mention that Saphira isn’t wearing a saddle?

So, let me picture this, Chris. Saphira’s regular scales can rub people bloody through pants. I presume this to mean that the spike on her back are a bit harder and I’d also be willing to bet that they go all the way from her head to tail, right Chris? Which means that Eragon is sitting with an unprotected crotch on top of spikes. Maybe he’s still a little drunk and doesn’t notice. On the upside, maybe Saphira will end of giving Eragon an impromptu vasectomy.

Eragon falls off but stops himself with magic while Saphira and Thorn continue fighting. Arya comes back with the dragon lance and Orik and they rush to help Saphira. The narrator then decides now is a good a time as any to talk about what every one else is up to. The elves are killing Imperial magicians and there are a bunch of zombies still running around. Werecats are chasing soldiers, some of them have catnip in their pockets, and Angela is taking on a Imperial who dual wields a mace and flail. Oh, and Elva’s there making soldiers do stuff like run away or stab themselves. There, I saved everyone a few more lifeless paragraphs.

Eragon wants to use Elva against Thorn. Supposedly Elva’s words are magic and she could make anyone, even Gabby, do whatever she wanted. Or at least run away, Chris hasn’t been clear on that point. They decide to just run after Thorn and plant a shiv in his back to help Saphira but then they see Murtagh.

Before they reached her, Eragon heard a muffled scream. He turned and, to his horror, saw Murtagh striding out of the pavilion, dragging Nasuada by her wrists.

Nasuada is struggling in true useless princess fashion so Murtagh knocks her out. Why he didn’t do that while in the tent is beyond me. Then Thorn comes over and picks Murtagh and Nasuada up before flying off. Saphira catches up and starts to chase him but Eragon doesn’t think she has the strength to stop him. Luckily Arya gets involved, elves can fix anything, and she jumps and grabs Thorns tail. Eragon then joins her by using a spell that lunches him like a missile directly at Thorn.

Arya climbs up Thorn using his spikes and stabbing him with the spear as she goes. Then he decides to dive head first at the ground and spin. The dragon spear comes out and Arya only manages to hold on by her weak hand. She let’s go and then floats to a stop while Thorn tries to attack her. He breathes fire and then smacks her with his tail as he turns around.

With Arya falling, Eragon makes the obvious choice between saving the human and the elf. He dives after her but Saphira catches her first so Eraogn casts feather fall and floats to the ground. Now he’s about to cry because Arya is injured—maybe dead!—and Nasuada’s been taken too.

How could they continue now? How could they possibly hope for victory without Nasuada to lead them?

I like to imagine that being read with sarcasm so thick you’d need a chainsaw to cut it. And holy crap, the villains actually did something villainous for once! Sure it’s the old, take a woman hostage that he already did before with Arya but it’s an honest start. I’m sure if we gave Chris a hundred years he might be able to write a villain stealing a bank vault or mugging an old lady.