Inheritance Chapter 5

This chapter is called “after math”. I assume Chris is referring to the after math of his book release party. He probably had to call it a night pretty early. The five people who showed up hoping he was going to announce his retirement as a writer.

‘So, is this going to be your last book?’ ‘Well, I’ve got loads of ideas for a new series that I plan on starting…wait, where are you going?’ ‘Well, we were kind of hoping you’d have learned from all the feedback and decided that it was time to hang the old keyboard up, so to speak.’ ‘But I’m a bestseller, people love my work.’ ‘Yeah, and some people love the musical stylings of Ke$ha. There’s really no accounting for taste.’ ‘Wait, come back! I want to celebrate the end of one saga and the beginning of another!’ ‘Best of luck to you, I suppose but you’re really better suited to writing comments on the internet than stuff people will pay for.’

Eragon groaned and leaned back against Saphira. Bracing his hands on his knees, he slid down over her bumpy scales until he was sitting on the ground, then stretched out his legs in front of him.

“I’m hungry!” he exclaimed.

Thank goodness Chris decided to load us down with more detail. Here I was, just wondering if Eragon was ever going to get hungry from all the fighting he’s been doing. Why, Chris has offered me the immersion I so desperately need from a fourth tier writer.

Eragon runs into Angela and Roran. Angela goes off to see to some potion and then track down Solembum’s mother while Roran goes off to help secure the city. Very good, Chris. This will contribute greatly to my Inheritance flowchart that I’ll make if I ever suffer a massive head injury and am unable to follow the simplistic plot. Eragon gets on Saphira to go find food, for some reason.

As Saphira lifted her wings overhead, Eragon could see the web of purplish veins that pulsed therein, each one becoming a hollow worm track as the flow of blood subsided between the beats of her mighty heart.

Ok, Chris. Again, I see what you’re trying to do. And, once again, you’ve failed to understand that you weave detail into the story. You don’t just drop a paragraph of it onto our plate and expect us to eat it.

Let’s see now. More of detail we don’t need as Eragon brags about being able to fly around on a dragon. It’s like Chris expected us to forget that Eragon owns a firebreathing tank that flies. Yes, we get it Chris, get on with the pathetic story already.

Sahpira catches an animal and then lands near the camp where Katrina runs out to Eragon. She’s fretting over Roran even though she has a ring that’s enchanted so she’ll know if he’s in danger or not. Eragon tells her about the werecats, which she knows all about already, and the wall collapsing on him but he’s fine. You know, other than the crippling impotence and the bad back which will cause him to descend into the grip of drink because he’ll no longer be able to hold down a job. Other than that he’s fine.

That brings me to my next question, what is Roran going to do once the whole war is over? Is he going to go back to farming turnips, a crop that I’m sure will bring in a solid living? Or is he going to end up as a governor or lord over a city? I’m secretly hoping that he and Katrina will die in a freak Halloween accident where Saphira mistakes them for a real horse on their way to a costume party.

Katrina’s look of concern intensified. Then, with visible struggle, she smiled. “At least you’re safe. Both of you.”

Wait, why was she forcing herself to smile? Had she been hoping Roran was going to die in the attack? Maybe she took out some life insurance that paid out triple if he died while assaulting an Imperial controlled city. She had her eye on a nice villa in the south where she could have spent the rest of her days in comfort while beating the servants and being miserly with her money. Then, when the time comes for her to die she can will the remainder of her fortune to a werecat with brain damage.

And why does Katrina honestly care that Eragon’s safe? He’s the cause of the war and thus the reason Roran is out risking his life. Katrina should resent Eragon just a little. At the very least she should be very critical of everything Eragon does which endangers Roran’s life. Then again, she’s only here to pat Eragon in the head and remind him of how unique and special he is.

Eragon then goes and gets food. Saphira asks if it’s “scrumptious”. Eragon’s only manner of reply is to moan loudly like he’s faking an orgasm for a restaurant crowd. And that’s where Chris decides to end the chapter. Yeah, I think I can see why there was only one bad movie based off this series.