Maximum Ride Chapters 109 & 110

Here’s a hypothetical question. Let’s say you’re being pursued by people you don’t like. You’ve run to a hiding place and tried to avoid them but they found you anyway. Then, just as they’re about to capture you, they’re called away. Do you sit there and think about your next move, knowing full well your pursuers know where you are? Well, since Max was head of her class in paint sniffing, that’s exactly what they do.

That afternoon, we had to venture out to get food again. Six pairs of glasses with funny noses hadn’t
materialized, so we went as is. At the nearest deli, we stocked up on sandwiches, drinks, chips, cookies, anything we could carry and eat at the same time.

Okay, good to know Max. Here I was about to assume you bought a case of chili or some steaks which would require you to stop in the middle of the park and cook over an open flame for a half hour or so.  And you really don’t need to share your grocery details with us. Unless it turns out they start suffering from malnutrition because bird people have different dietary needs from us regular folk.

So Max tells Fang they should get going soon. Fang asks where and Max says not too far because she still wants to get to the bottom of the “institute”. And then some guy stops and says they would be perfect for a makeover.

“You guys can have total makeovers for free—as long as your stylist gets to do whatever he or she wants.”

“Like what?” Nudge asked with interest.

“Makeup, hairstyle, everything!” the guy promised ecstatically. “Except tattoos. We’d need a note from
your parents.”

Oh, did you see that? Nudge asked with interest. See, because most people ask with disinterest by default. Thank you for clarifying on that point Jimmy. I might have pictured Nudge rolling her eyes and saying it sarcastically otherwise. And you can’t let me imagine these characters in my own way, no sir. That’s for people with imagination and your fans had theirs atrophied by years of feeding on bland pop culture.

This is both nonsensical and convenient. ‘We should go.’ ‘Yes.’ ‘How about a makeover?’ It comes out of left field smacks the reader in the face. And I just know that this is how they’re going to get “disguised” and sneak into the heart of the evil empire. Because a little hair dye and a quick trim is really enough to fool them into mistaking her for some other winged fourteen year old.

‘Oh my god, that’s Max!’ ‘Whoa, wait. That’s not her.’ ‘What are you talking about! What other genetically engineered kids would try to sneak in here?’ ‘They don’t tell us about every project, Steve. Besides, her hair doesn’t match the photo.’ ‘Ok, then what are those kids doing in here?’ ‘They’re probably just here for the “take your child to your evil corporation” day that’s all the rage. That or they heard about the chicken tender special in the cafeteria.’

Max grumbles that “that’s out”, I’m assuming  that was her response about the tattoos. Though Nudge, being a carbon copy of Reese Witherspoon from Legally Blonde, is all about having a makeover. Gee, maybe after this they can go shopping for a teacup Chihuahua and visit a tanning salon? Like, the fun never ends when you’ve got credit cards.

Then Max sees a couple of girls come out of the salon and thinks that their own mothers wouldn’t recognize them. That’s when the idea hits her and she jumps at the chance to have her hair done. Fang is surprised but only because he didn’t get the memo. Max give him a “meaningful look” and they get ready to be made pretty.

This kicks us over to part six called “Who’s your Daddy, Who’s your Momma?”. That’s just so clever, Jimmy. It’s so clever, in fact, that you’ve just won grand prize in the Clever Contest I was holding. The prize is one free trip to the sun, courtesy of me. So get packing because we’re all waiting on you.

For once, Jimmy skips the needless detail. We don’t have to sit in the chair with Max and the rest as the hairdressers work them over, then the makeup person and then the fashion consultant. Instead, we learn about their new looks. Max is wearing a jean jacket, Gasman is in all camo, Iggy has an ear piercing, Nudge looks like a fashion model and Fang is dressed like the first winged emo kid.

“We ready?” Iggy asked with a touch of impatience. “Not that I don’t adore shopping.”

Iggy is really starting to grow on me. If only he’d snap and try to kill the others in their sleep. Maybe hunt Max down and cut her wings off. He’d be the best character in this whole story. At the very least I don’t hate him, yet. I’m sure Jimmy will work on spoiling the guy later.

They leave with new haircuts and outfits, for free and with seemingly no other obligation. Which is weird because those shops that do that usually want exposure for all the product and time they’re giving away. I would of expected Max and them to be featured on a makeover show. And if not, that Max would be forced to shell out some cash to keep everyone happy.

But none of that happens and they leave. They walk over to an open place and take off, unnocticed of course. Apparently New Yorkers never look up contrary to their depiction in disaster movies because Max and them aren’t spotted climbing into the sky. It’s a good thing everyone keeps their eyes on the ground and that none of those office buildings in Manhattan have windows. Else some daydreaming office drone might have looked out and seen them. Who knows what would have happened then?