Maximum Ride Chapters 65 & 66

We start off with Max telling us how much she enjoys seeing the wolfmen get torn apart by birds. What’s that Jimmy? No, I’m afraid that Max still comes across as a sociopathic jerk. Yes, I know the “erasers” are the bad guys. That doesn’t change the fact that she’s a mean spirited kid who cares about nothing besides herself. After all, those hawks that are attacking the wolves are regular old hawks which will probably get killed defending some useless human hybrids. Hopefully they’re not on the endangered species list.

Just as Ari, ignoring the latch in his murderous rage, finally succeeded in ripping it open, he was divebombed by a hawk with razor-sharp talons and a huge grudge against wolves. As I popped out, I saw him swatting at it, screaming like a big weenie as the bird sliced into the back of his neck.

And that makes absolutely no sense either, Jimbo. Why are those hawks helping the kids? Very few birds of prey hunt cooperatively and none that I can find are willing to defend other species. I might buy it if one of the winged idiots had the power to talk to animals. Sure it’d be pretty stupid but then I would at least believe they had a reason. Otherwise we’re forced to imagine that these hawks are so dumb they’ll rabidly defend anything that can fly. Thus I’d expect to see a bunch of hawks fighting off those pesky humans that are holding down the Snoopy balloon.

Now I want you to picture the scene so far. Max and the rest are trapped in dog crates. Ari has just torn through Max’s crate and gotten her free accidentally because the latch is too complicated, or something, fron within though she had no trouble opening Angel’s crate.

Two whitecoats were chasing her, but I got there first. I elbowed one out of the way, grabbed Angel’s waist, and threw her up into the sky.

Do you realize how baffling that is, Jimmy? Max just grabbed an eight year old and threw her into the sky. That takes a lot of strength, the kind of strength which wouldn’t really be kept in check by a wire, or plastic, dog crate. So are they strong or not?

Max gets everyone free in turns while fighting. And because Jimmy has some unresolved anger issues with his old chemistry professor, the kids beat the hell out of the “whitecoats”. Why exactly they bother getting involved when there are perfectly good evil henchmen nearby is beyond me. ‘Hey Ted.’ ‘Yes Bob?’ ‘Think we should attempt to tackle those kids with wings even though we’re more suited to lab work and reports?’ ‘Probably. We really can’t trust those wolfmen to do their job.’ ‘That’s what I was thinking.’ ‘Plus I could really use some leave and my vacation is all used up. A little medical leave will be just what the doctorate ordered.’

Fang, once out of his cage, begins beating the hell out of Ari. It takes two or three hits and the wolfman is curled up into a ball and covering his face while hoping that the teacher on recess duty will step in and put an end to the squabble.

Fang was venting his hostility on Ari, who crouched defensively on the ground, his arms wrapped around his head. Fang smashed him sideways with a kick, then punched the side of Ari’s head. For good measure, Fang hoisted a crate and crashed it down on the wicked Eraser. Now it looked as though Ari had been caught in a cage.

Oh, so Ari is one of the wicked “erasers”. As opposed to the good “eraser” named Arnie who always greeted Max with a cuttlebone or a few crackers. So much for the wolfmen being so dangerous if Fang can beat one into submission while Ari fails to deliver a single blow.

They all get airborne and start taking off. Jeb comes out and shouts at Max. He tells her that it was all a test and she has to come back and trust him. Max ignores him because there’s something shiny off in the distance which she’d like to incorporate into her new nest.

The next chapter kicks off with a brilliant move. Max and them retreat to the cave that’s right next to lake Mead. Unfortunately for them there’s a large group of bird watchers from around the world touring the States. They get spotted, shot, stuffed, mounted and used as door stoppers. On the upside, because a future Supreme Court Justice receives a taxidermied Nudge as a gift, they work to abolish the practice of child characters. Angel immediately starts being melodramatic.

“I thought I would never see you again,” she said, and a single tear rolled down her face. “They did all kinds of stuff to me, Max. Terrible. Terrible. Terrible.”

Yeah, it was really no worse than a freshman hazing ritual. You’d think that a psychic kid would be able to pick out actual moments of torture from the minds of people around her. Images from the holocaust would humble her pretty quickly.

Max decides that it’s okay to get “mushy” and tells the group how much she loves them. Then Angel has a Tiny Tim moment and says she’s loves everyone too. It could be a sitcom ending if they piled into a group hug at the encouragement of audience applause as the credits rolled. Of course then everyone has to get in on the ultra sappy action.

“Yeah, me too,” said the Gasman. “I don’t care if we have our house, or a cliff ledge, or a cardboard box. Home is wherever we all are, together.” I hugged him, and he nestled against me, looking happy.

Oh, he nestled against you looking happy. Are you sure, Max? Are you sure that Gasman didn’t nestle against you looking pensive? How about suicidal? Perhaps he was looking Gaelic and you didn’t know how to interpret it.

For whatever reason, Max decides that East is the way to go Surely there won’t be any evil corporation/government out there or anything. They legally can’t because there’s the Statue of Liberty.

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