So Ed wants to know how Bella got Jake talking about things which are forbidden. Bella says she flirted with him and demonstrates for Ed. Ed tells us she couldn’t possibly be more beautiful but he doesn’t let this come across outwardly. Which makes sense, Ed had about as much reaction to Bella in the first one as one of the statues that Otis keeps comparing him to. But that means Ed is a different person inside that then out. Like a sociopath who’s learned to smile and nod during conversations even if they don’t know why they do it.
Oh, and Bella did some research on the “internet” which Ed says makes her “ever practical”. Yeah, not if you knew how long it took before she got around to googling vampire. Most people hop online just to see if their rash is something worse because they’re bored. Bella uses the internet like maybe three times throughout the entire series and she never has a cell phone. I’d say Bella is the exact opposite of practical, especially in the information age.
Of course everyone in this damned series is. Why use things like radios and other modern forms of telecommunication? Ed is psychic andAlicecan see the future. Between the two of them there’s no one who can escape their gaze. They’re like the Wonder Twins if they worked for Big Brother instead of the Justice League. Then Bella says she decided it doesn’t matter what Ed is and he’s shocked and frankly so am I.
See, I know Otis is going for the true love conquers all bit but that’s not right. That’s not a recipe for a love built on anything other than looks. Bella is dismissing something that has a major effect on Ed’s life. It’s part of who he is at this point and to dismiss it is to dismiss what little character he has. Minus the vampire part Ed has nothing. Oh, and it means that Bella doesn’t really love him for who he is, more like a modified version.
That and we all know Bella is lying. Being a vampire means everything to Bella. It’s why Ed looks the way he does, the reason he has the mind powers he uses to “stalk”(i.e. love) her and what makes him immortal. If you took that away, Bella would be more interested in a can of dead tuna than him. Bella is only attracted to him because he’s a vampire, plain and simple.
Ed gets angry and Bella, being well versed at playing the victim, apologizes. Then they talk about the vampire “myths” and all of them are false except for the drinking blood thing. Which must mean that people back in olden times must have been terribly inobservant. Sure they noticed that vampires drank blood but they never noticed that garlic didn’t work and that they could still bite your head off when the sun was out. People from the past are dumb and wrong, ha ha ha.
Bella wants to know how old he is, blah blah blah, Ed talks about being a “vegetarian”, which is their little joke and oh so funny. Bella then says she can tell he’s not hungry right now because of his eyes and she noticed that people get agitated when they’re hungry.
…”You are observant aren’t you?” I laughed again.
Quick, call the press and let them know. People get irritable when they don’t eat. I don’t care if there was a plane crashed while carrying the evidence of life on other planets, bump it. We’ve got the real story now and it’s all thanks to the ultra observant Bella Swan.
They talk about Ed having gone hunting on the weekend and not coming to school. He doesn’t say why but that he’ll show her sometime. Bella whines about him not calling her and telling her he’s okay. She apparently gets anxious when she can’t see him. I guess she’s worried that a cyborg polar bear will attack and maim mister invincible.
More talking that just goes on and on. Ed says it’s too late and thinks how it can never be too late. Bella cries and Ed pats her on the shoulder while thinking about the fjords ofNorwaylest his mind wander at the touch of a woman. That would be horrible for it would take away his precious gift of virginity which his pastor told him he must preserve until marriage.
Ed asks what Bella was planning to do before he showed up and she tells us she was going to fight them. Ed groans because women aren’t capable of throwing a punch or anything. They are to be locked in little metal cages for their own good and only allowed out to sing or make breakfast. Ed says he must be fighting fate by keeping her alive. Why yes Ed, yes you are. Any other mistakes you’d like to make like protecting the last sample of small pox or genetically engineered giant killer bees? At least those are more interesting than Bella.
Ed finally gets her home and tells Bella to hold onto his jacket. He also makes her promise that she won’t go into the woods alone which is proof that Ed hasn’t been paying any attention to her at all. She’s not the kind of girl to go backpacking or hiking unless there’s a vampire waiting at the other end.
Let’s see, Ed drives aimlessly around and declares that Bella can’t possibly love him as much as he loves her. Well, Ed, you can’t possibly love her as much as you say you do because you don’t know her. You’ve had a couple of classes together and you stopped a group of street performers from putting on a guerilla play in front of her, that is not how romance goes.
And then, out of seemingly nowhere, Ed decides to do something about Lonnie. So he goes home. Which makes perfect sense, I bet he’s going to write a strongly worded letter to his district representative. Maybe he’ll even get a petition going.
Alice and Ed banter, Ed again sees how Alice and Bella will be best of friends. Really? Because I’ve read the others, Otis and Alice isn’t really her friend. She’s more like a live-in make up artist, fashion consultant and plot device.Alicesays she too will be watching Bella because she needs twenty four hour supervision. Yes, because it’s not like she managed to survive for seventeen years without vampiric intervention.
Then Ed goes toCarlislebecause he’s at a moral crossroads. He wants to avenge what could have, quite possibly happened but he doesn’t want to be a murderer.Carlislejust marvels at how special Bella is.
She’s very good for you, isn’t she? So much compassion, so much control. I’m impressed.
That’s right, Ed couldn’t do it if a bit of fresh fish wasn’t sitting on the line. Oh, and the reason that’s in italics is because Carl just can’t speak to Ed. We get it Otis, we get it! Ed can read minds, yup. We’re clear, especially since he just reminded us by telling Bella.
Alicemutters about how she didn’t forsee Bella being so good for ol’ Eddie. Maybe it’s because their relationship has some divine purpose. Gee, it’s like there’s someone out there who wants, nay demands, that Bella and Ed end up living happily everafter. Something that reaches down and forces every person in your universe to parrot how good they are together. It’s weird.
Carl understands Ed problem so he grabs his black bag—doctors still carry those right?—and they go into town. They find Lonnie “drowning his sorrows” and Ed drops Carl off to do…something to Lonnie that involves him being knocked out. Because Otis doesn’t fill in the details, right now I’m free to imagine it my way. I’m going to picture Carl knocking the guy out and then tattooing the words “Clown Rapist” all over his body. Carl tells Ed he’ll take it from here and sends him to watch over Bella.
Ed climbs into her room and watches her sleep. He can almost pick up Chaz’s dream and it’s something about water and expectation and patience. Yes, Charlie is so two dimensional he even dreams about fishing. I wish I could drag Charlie out of his world and make him read about himself. I have a feeling he’d shot Otis and double tap the corpse faster than you could cheer.
Then Ed has some sort of vision, I guess. How he has this, I don’t know being as he’s not the psychic and he doesn’t dream. Somehow he sees an angel who’s offering Bella to him as a reward of some kind. So I guess even the powers on high see Bella as little more than property to be awarded like a raffle prize.
Vivisector's Writ 