Bella jumps into car without thinking and Ed is still mad he can’t kill people indiscriminately in front of her. They leave the would be rapists/murderers/suprise makeover specialists stand there and watch the car drive off. Presumably while shaking their unopened tubes of mascara ruefully at the air while declaring that she could have been a star.
But before Ed can slam his foot on the gas and tear off in what should be a quickly executed scene, Otis decides she has to pour some molasses all over it. Bella buckles her seat belt and jumps at the noise as it clicks. Yes, the brave, tougher than we’d imagine, don’t you know, heroine jumps at the sound of a seatbelt engaging. Don’t honk the horn Ed or else you’ll never get the stain of fear piss out of the seat. Anywho, this is her response to Ed’s request to buckle up.
“Are you okay?” She asked, her voice rough with stress and fear.
Is that what made her voice rough? Because the scene wasn’t too clear. There were some guys who had some sort of intentions for Bella, sort of and they had her backed into a corner at night. I thought that maybe Ed had interrupted a highly complex song and dance number. I’m glad you cleared that up Otis. Oh, and of course Ed thinks she’s selfless because she asks this.
They drive off, I think. It’s not too clear. Ed is raging, angry, mad. Did I mention he’s raging? Well, he keeps telling us instead of showing us. So he tells Bella to distract him and she says she’s going to kill Tyler because he’s told everyone he’s taking her to prom.
“He’s telling everyone he’s taking me to prom,” she said, her voice filled with her tiger-kitten outrage. …
Aw. Isn’t it cute when women try to do things like a man? See, Ed can get angry because he has fangs and balls. Vampires and men are dangerous, you see. But women, especially human women, are basically walking cotton balls. It’s not like they’re perfectly capable of violence or harm or even murder. Nope, that’s strictly the providence of men.
I really didn’t want to bring that up but Otis keeps condescending to us via Ed. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just his opinion but it seems to be the overarching theme in the books. The only women who ever get angry in a threatening way are vampires. Hell, I don’t even think any humans are ever allowed to be good and angry. The only ones that ever threaten anyone are those random guys that wanted to do…something, to Bella. What Otis is saying is simple, if you’re humans then your emotions and existence is of little value.
Ed then decides he can’t kill Lonnie. Wait, what? Ok, fair enough. He’s pretending he’s going to be a good guy and not kill people because he wants Bella. Huh. I would think you should avoid killing people for its own sake, Eddie, but that’s just a silly human talking. I mean, if you hang all your control on Bella and she gets removed then you turn into a raging psychopath. Which isn’t the kind of person anyone wants to date because they’re never afraid to tell you that you’re the keystone holding them together and if you ever left them they just might kill themselves.
Bella wants to know what’s wrong because Ed is still whining.
“Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella.” I stared out into the black night, wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that she would not. Run, Bella, run. Stay, Bella, stay. “But it wouldn’t be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…” Just thinking about it almost pulled me from the car. I took a deep breath, letting her scent scorch down my throat. “At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.”
Really, Ed? You? Anger issues? Who would have guessed? Yes, Bella, run. Run before he starts hitting you and you decide it’s your fault for making him angry. Run before this god awful story makes the final gurgle in the bottom of the toilet as it flushes away. Or don’t and become another statistic five years from now.
Because Bella needs an excuse to get the plot moving again, she reminds Ed she has friends. Sure, she’ll be getting rid of them soon but that’ll take some time. Until then she might as well keep up appearances and meet up. Only to banish them from her sight within a couple of moments because they dared lay eyes on Ed without her permission.
Did she want to get away from me or was she just worried about her friends worry.
First off. Sentences that are made awkward to be hard to read. Secondly, is that all anyone every does in this series? I’m starting to think that ninety percent of Twilight is everyone worrying over another character like a mother hen. I keep waiting for Ed to chase after Bella with a jacket and admonish her about going into the cold with wet hair.
They head to the restaurant where Bella is supposed to met Jessica and Angela. They’re now really worried about Bella and getting ready to go out looking for her. Though they’ve already eaten so they don’t get to stay and interrupted the alone time between them. I guess Angela and Jessica were worried but not so worried they’d let that stop them from stuffing their fat faces full of brownies and chocolate ice cream. You can almost taste Otis’s disgust with dull, mortal companions. I have to wonder if Otis has any friends or if the harpy gland which sprays bile is activated in their presence?
Ed decides to take Bella to diner and whines when he goes around to the other side and she’s already got her door open. Yes, Ed. Welcome to the far off land of the twenty first century. In this day and age women are allowed to let themselves out of the car without assistance. If you get the door for them, it a polite gesture but if they get out on their own it’s not a slight against you personally. Though, in this case, it should be.
Let’s see, Ed timed his rescue and diner plans so that he would conveniently meet up with Jessica and Angela as soon as they were leaving the restaurant. That way they can meet and get jealous of Bella. So we get treated to Jessica getting mad at Bella for “holding out” on her. I guess Bella isn’t just the resident attention whore but also the local meth dealer. In small towns everybody has to pull double duty.
As we already know, Ed and Bella dismiss the silly human girls and their foible of not being vampires or vampire snacks. They can drive home safe from the dastardly Flannel Men, I guess they’re only attracted to main characters. Plus danger doesn’t stalk them at every step, as Ed says. You know, the way tigers were hunting Bella in the hall between classes or the bears that tracked her through the grocery store just a day before. Or Ed is being so over dramatic that John Malkovich is starting to wince.
Oh and of course he mind rapes the waitress. She, just like every other background character, fawns over Ed and wonders what he’s doing with plain ol’ Bella and if she can slip him her number. Ed gives her a nasty look for her resentful thoughts. Which, again, seems perfectly fair because this is thought in the privacy of her own mind! It’s her sanctuary Ed, you don’t have the right to get mad at what people think!
They sit down in this restaurant, whose quality probably goes from being the kind of place Bella and friends can afford to eat like say Applebee’s to something more posh since Ed shows up. That always made me wonder, just a bit. Ed slips the hostess a fifty, according to this, to get a better table but why? I think most of the table’s at TGIF’s are probably about the same. Hooter’s doesn’t have an enclosed dinning room, Otis. And I can’t think of any small town, mom and pop outfit that you’d have to bribe your way in. So the only explanation is that they were going to a four or five star restaurant for diner. Which makes perfect sense because Bella, having no job and a police chief father, has tons of folding money just laying around.
Also I should mention Ed scares the waitress by smiling at her. Or he tries to and is genuinely baffled why she’s not threatened. I think Ed has a learning disability that we don’t know about because he seems to continually mistake one thing for another. ‘Okay, is this threatening.’ ‘No, Ed. That’s grinning.’ ‘How about this?’ ‘You’re still grinning.’ ‘Okay, how about now?’ ‘Now you’re just sitting there with your eyes closed.’ ‘Really? I thought that was how you ordered a daiquiri. Man, I’m so confused.’ Then we get the best conversation out of the Twilight novel. The ‘dazzle’ conversation. Let me simulate it for you.
‘You shouldn’t dazzle people Ed.’ ‘I can’t help it, it’s part of my unique skill set.’ ‘Well some people have the brains of rodents and your dazzle skill stuns them.’ ‘Do I dazzle you?’ ‘Maybe but my brain is more akin to that of an angry parakeet so I can overcome.’ Swoon! Love! ‘Are you a narcissist, with histrionic personality disorder too?’ ‘Why yes, I too am a main character!’
Blah blah blah. Bella is cold so Ed give her his jacket. Mind you this is only so he can whine about not being able to give her a warm jacket. Your problems move me…to purchase a flamethrower and set you ablaze.
Vivisector's Writ 