Bree Part 16

Riley mentions that there’s only seven members of this other clan. Which is fine I suppose, it’s quite technically true. After all, Bella never really counts as one of the Cullens. She’s certainly not vey useful until the author bestows more gifts on her than Santa does to all the good little children in every animated christmas special ever.

But you’d think that Victoria would send at least one of them to scout. She’s cunning enough to use sex to manipulate Riley, I’ve got to figure she’s smart enough to at least keep them under watch. Hell, they wouldn’t even have to keep a vampire posted. Install a few video cameras. The Cullens are too stupid and anachronistic to worry about modern technology. Anyway, Bree is still tuck on the whole four days till the attack.

Four days? I guessed our creator didn’t want to cut it too close to the deadline. I looked at the closed door again. Where was Diego?

Gee, that’s a tough one. Where is Diego? There’s a total of twenty two vampires, twenty were inside then Riley showed up and there was the smoldering remains on the floor. Hmm, I’m stumped. Someone call in Richard Castle and those four teens that drive the Mystery Machine, we need their combined brain power to solve this one.

Then Riley goes on about the Cullens having powers. Yes, they have lots and lots of powers. It’s ridiculous just how many powers they have among hem considering they’re supposed to be extremely rare.

Not that you’d think that, the way the Cullens have formed their own X-Men group. When they first appeared, I was half expecting the Volturi to be lead by Magneto or to be called the Brotherhood of Evil Vampires and for everyone to have powers that ran counter to the Cullens. There’d be Bob with the power to block out mental probing, Bertrand who can see the past of those nearby and use it to predict how they’ll react and Clarice who can focus her vampire cold into frost waves a la Iceman. But that’d be far more interesting than what Otis can think of. So we’re stuck with the child vampire cliché who can force Twilight into people’s heads and a flamboyant vampire who likes to touch people.

Once Riley has wasted a whole bunch of paper pulp telling us how special the Cullens are, he tells them he’s going to teach them how to fight. Ok, stop the book Otis. I can’t suspend my disbelief any further than this, not even with the aid of performance enhancing drugs. No one, and I mean no one, would be that stupid. Riley may be the kind of guy who assembles his science project on the bus ride to school but Victoria isn’t that dumb. You can’t cram any worthwhile training in during four days. You might as well hand everyone a Tae Bo video and forget about it.

And then Riley threatens them. He says if they don’t listen and or they don’t fall in line he’ll take them to her. Please Riley, show your vampire coven mercy. No one deserves to be locked in a room with Palin. Exercise a punishment that’s far less cruel like hoisting them on meat hooks and beating them with rebar. Apparently she will tear them apart, piece by piece and burn them slowly.

We’d all lost a limb, at least, and we’d all burned when we became vampires, so we could easily imagine how that would feel, but it wasn’t the threat itself that was so terrifying. The truly scary thing was Riley’s face as he said it. His face was not twisted in rage, the way it usually was when he was angry; it was calm and cold, smooth and beautiful, his mouth curled at the edges into a small smile. I suddenly had the impression that this was a new Riley. Something had changed him, hardened him, but I couldn’t imagine what could have happened in one night to create that cruel, perfect smile.

So his smile wasn’t perfect before? Was it…crooked? And what could possibly have happened in one night for him to have “hardened”? Did Victoriafinally slip him the tongue? Did he get back his rejection letter from refrigeration school? ‘Dear mister Riley we than you for your interest in Bob’s Correspondence College of Refrigeration, Pyramid Marketing and Dog Walking. We regret to inform you that all of our classes are full and will be for an indefinite period. Please don’t reapply as we expect to be full for the next century or so. Best of luck finding a school that will accept you, Bob.’

Riley sends the kids out to bat at each other a little bit and then tells Bree he has a message from Diego. Apparently it’s a “ninja thing” which gives her the confidence to wander off with Riley. Hey, nothing bad has every happened while you were alone with him before, right?

So Riley takes her aside, says something about Diego heading off to the South to scout and then says she’s brave. I can see where you’d get that impression, Riley. What with the way she hides in the shadow of a vampire that has a naturally occurring Repulsor field and tries not to make eye contact.

Riley also asks Bree to talk to Fred. Why doesn’t he do it? Uh, because. Because…uh…Bree is closer to him than anyone else. Yeah, that’s it. Bree says she doesn’t think Fred care for anyone in their little coven. Don’t start tugging on that thread, Bree. I don’t see how anyone gives a crap about anybody in this whole series.

This entry was posted in Recap, The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Bree Part 16

  1. ChocolateSamus says:

    They all lost a limb, at least? Whoa! Meyerpires being physically imperfect! Halt the presses!

    If only “they all” included Bree… sigh…

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