Bree Part 12

So Bree has just begun to suspect that something’s not quite right. People in robes are showing up to mysterious houses. They’re talking about things she doesn’t understand and she feels uneasy wherever she goes. I imagine that’s how Otis felt when she went to Comic-con.

The Volturi girl, I don’t remember her name even though she made such a huge impact on me and the story, is talking with Victoria and made the comment about her illegal vampire army. Now this could be interesting if only because it raises the question of who watches the watchers? I’d like to see such allegations turned around on the Volturi who’ve never had any right, beyond the self proclaimed, to make vampires. But to Otis they’re simply there to get in the way of the Bella and thus we’re not supposed to like them. On that mark Otis has succeeded in making me hate them but only because of her terrible writing.

Diego and I frowned simultaneously. None of this made sense, but the last part was the weirdest. What could be illegal for vampires? What cop, what judge, what prison could have power over us?

Who guards the guards? When the guardians have ultimate power, who decides what they guard? But Otis glosses over that to have her characters make vague threats at the Cullens, otherwise known as them. Because author forbid we ever use proper nouns. The use of pronouns is supposed to make things seem deeper but you can only pretend that puddle is the Mariana Trench for so long before someone figures out it’s only an inch deep, Otis.

The Volturi tellVictoriashe has to move soon or else they’ll have to punish Voctoria, so they give her five days to attack. Wait, what? Why do we suddenly have a time limit? They were content to let her build up for almost a year and now, for no discernible reason, they want her to hurry up? Why?

Do the Volturi just want to see the original plot end within the year? Are they worried that Bella might end up getting turned and there will be, gasp!, one more of the damn things running around? Does the little girl-pire have a bet going that Bella won’t live to see her nineteenth birthday? Maybe Otis’s characters are just as tired of the Twilight series as we are and just wanted it to be over. They were tired of getting shoved aside so Otis could detail Bella’s laundry day.

That or Jane, I think that’s the little girl-pire’s name, is just wallowing in an Italian loan shark stereotype. ‘Eh, this is a nice place you’ve got here. It would be a shame if some gasoline happened to fall on you along with a lit cigarette. Maybe you should insure yourself for just such an occasion. You really should consider it as draining the life of the innocents gets hard if you’re thumbs have been broken off.’

Victoriatells Riley he has to get it done now and he says he won’t fail her. Not like he constantly does in bed, at any rate. Diego and Bree take off because they don’t want to get caught and Diego is still planning on telling Riley about their immunity to sunlight. And, being as these are the usual retards, he wants to split up so he can talk to Riley alone.

Hey, pardon me there mister Diego and miss Bree. Just a simple question, not really important or anything but possibly relevant in a tangential sort of way. Why are you doing this? Neither of you have any friends among the other vampires, you’re always under threat of destruction from some of the imbalanced ones and you’re obviously pawns which are disposable pieces. Now is not the time to be screwing around. Now would be when I or any sane person with no ties, would be snacking on the nearest human for a quick energy boost and running as far away as vampiricly possible in one night.

For the usual reason of, because Otis says so, Diego will go do something interesting while Bree will heads back to the house. I really don’t care who gets the job of talking with Riley, I just wish we got to go along to see it. It’d be far preferable over watching Bree mope and read and hide behind the mysterious Fred. No, all action must happen off screen lest Otis be forced to write something with a little bite in it. So they kiss goodbye.

Then he leaned away and sighed. “Get home, hide behind Fred, and act clueless. I’ll be right behind you.”

Don’t worry, Diego. Bree won’t just be acting clueless. I don’t think her Mensa application got turned down because she’s a member of the undead. In the meantime, why don’t you go get killed so Bree can angst about it later and go on a suicide mission to kill Bella? That sounds like a perfectly retarded plot to me!

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