Bree Part 9

So last time this got so painful I had to end the recap, that is to say all the characters were writhing in pain. And really, what better place to end a recap? I just wanted to hold that image in my mind for awhile, the thought of Bree, Diego and all the other two bit Anne Rice knockoffs squirming on the ground like Jessica Black was screaming in their heads. I knew it wouldn’t last so I had to preserve it for just a bit.

All good things come to an end and the pain ends, for the vampires anyway, not for us. Everyone gets up and shakes off their “revulsion”. And once again, Otis is using a word that doesn’t fit. See, Otis, revulsion isn’t a physical reaction. At least it’s not tied to the sensation of nausea and pain. Personally, I’d have used nausea or cramp.

Anywho, Fred tells them to keep it down. He has a deep voice that Bree’s never heard because he’s never spoken before. For the moment, I’m going to pretend Fred is voiced by Tony Jay. Raoul forgets about the murder he was going to commit and Bree whines about coming up with a plan to avoid Raoul. Uh, I don’t think that requires a lot of conscious thinking in your part. It’s just go wherever Raoul isn’t. Then Fred says he’s sorry and Bree says not to worry about it

And how do these vampires lose against the Cullens again? If Fred can force people to feel like they’ve just eaten tainted Taco Bell then couldn’t he lay the Cullens out so the others could come by and rip them apart? At the very least the Cullens should have suffered a couple of casualties because of it.

Riley comes home and greets Diego. Everyone relaxes because no one tells on anyone and Bree sits in the basement pretending to read. All the other vampires are busy playing video games and listening to loud music because they’re members of the unwashed heathens. Bree is special and unique because she reads books. Because it’s not like there’s any overlap between any of those hobbies whatsoever.

And instead of having anything happen, Bree sits around wondering. Why do all of Otis’s characters do that? Where did she learn to write like this? I mean, nothing that she writes about makes any sense. All of her characters sit around worrying about things rather than doing or talking to anyone.

I could understand if they were preparing for something, like getting a gun loaded with silver bullets for the eventuality that a werewolf shows up, but just worrying isn’t interesting. It should be up to the reader to spend their time worrying. We should be concerned for the characters because we’ve become attached to them and the characters should only mention it in passing. We shouldn’t have to be told that now we’re supposed to be worried.

Riley picks out the vampires who need to get out and grab a bite and sends Fred on an away mission. Bree, being the strong female protagonist which are the hallmarks of Otis’s writing, curls up into a ball and tries to avoid being noticed. The only strange thing, to Bree, is that Riely doesn’t give everyone his fatherly speech about going unnoticed. He seems distracted which must mean he’s going to see her.

Ah, Riley must be off to visit with GlaDos. I woulnd’t want to say her name too loudly either lest she be monitoring me through my cell phone. Seriously, why does everyone do this with villains? Why are they all never to be named in proper conversation? DidVictoriaborrow a page out of Voldemort’s book and cast a spell that alerts her whenever someone utters her name? Are we not supposed to know who she is? Just freaking say it already!

And another thing, why hasVictoriabeen featured so little in this story? This is supposed to be her vampire army, created to turn the Cullens into a small pile of smoky remains underneath some bratwurst. Shouldn’t she be present to supervise the whole thing?

I mean, if it were me I wouldn’t be around a lot but that’s because I’d be building little cells of vampires throughout the city. Smaller ones about five or six big watched over by someone I trusted. And I’d have around forty vampires to send at the Cullens in case the werewolves decided to interfere. But then again I didn’t trade my frontal lobe for a case of car wax.

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4 Responses to Bree Part 9

  1. So if I show up at Otis’s house and tell her that I read books AND play video games… would her head explode?

    And of course reading books is the superior hobby. Even if you pit a game like Silent Hill with its iconic disturbing imagery, its rich atmosphere, and its well-thought-out symbolism against freaking Bree, people who read books for fun are always better than people who play video games for fun. Because people who read books are always intellectual and special and gamers are mainstream nerds.

    • vivisector says:

      It might only stun her. To get her head to explode would be to demonstrate that there are video games that have better defined characters, more compelling stories and are far more artfully done that her crappy books. And I think Silent Hill would do it. Or, if she wanted an example of vampires, either the Legacy of Kain series or Vampire: the Masquerade-Bloodlines.

  2. maeverin says:

    they couldn’t take down the Cullens because of Bella’s superior love shield of love!
    and because shut up, that’s why.

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