Bree Part 6

Some of you may have noticed that these aren’t moving along, especially for those of you who might have had the misfortune of peering into the dull, migraine inducing novella that is Bree. That’s not to say I haven’t been making these recaps and filling out the posts like normal. Heck, the last one was a huge screed that sits comfortably among the larger word dumps I’ve left here on the blog.

No, it’s more that I’m not getting through the plot very quickly and, to those who care, I apologize. Being as this isn’t a chapter segmented story I jus go through it, analyzing every bit that I pass over. There’s no need to stop and condense as well as insult. Instead I’m free to take this under the knife and do a proper vivisection at my own pace. Noting and photographing the way bile leaks into the lungs when I poke it just so or the way it screams when I jab it the other way.

This is kind of how I would do every book if given the time and the resources. Sadly, I have none of that. Left to my own devices I’d do the others one chapter at a time and pick it apart so thoroughly that you couldn’t use the left over words as donor parts for fanfiction.

But these recaps take a bit of time as it is and I don’t want to divert all my time away from my other hobbies including my own primitive scribblings. As it is, I already worry that I’m wasting time doing these when I should be pounding the keyboard for more manuscript. On the other hand, they’re extremely fun and cathartic and I’ve learned a lot through such introspection. So I get to write it off as self education for my profession of choice.

Also, don’t let this convince you I’m complaining about the constraints. It’s actually been good because it forces me to focus on the book. It’s just that, for this one, I’m going back to the deep examination I started Eragon with for a short time. Don’t worry though, we won’t be spending months on end with Bree. Maybe a couple if I get crazy.

We rejoin morons one and two and they’re still celebrating their newfound companionship. Surely we’ve just witnessed the beginning of a long and soon to be storied friendship that will touch our hearts and make us laugh. Or it will make us long for a punch to the gut. Diego is way too happy to have made a friend and remarks on how glad he is to be hanging out with Bree.

“Excellent. Our own private club.”

“Very exclusive,” I agreed.

He still had my hand. Not shaking it, but not exactly holding it, either. “We need a secret handshake.”

Huh, so he’s not holding nor shaking Bree’s hand. Is he just letting a couple of fingers rest against hers? Why? That’d be kind of creepy just sitting across from someone who’s excited to have made a friend and is holding my hand in a noncommittal way. I’d start wondering if I was going to get my arm back or if they planned to tear it out at the socket.

Ever so quickly, Diego simply decides that all the stories are wrong and to start digging towards the surface. He’s going to test his hypothesis and Bree freaks out. He puts a hole in the ceiling, sunlight comes in and, instead of bursting into flames, it drains them of vitality and locks them inside sheets of ice which keep them fresh until the end of time.

Oh wow, sunlight doesn’t bother them. This takes pages to convey and Otis spends more time on it that the senseless waste of human life earlier in the book. Which kind of tells you exactly which of the two is a priority for Otis. Character development and growth? Hell no. Mundane details about pressing yourself against the wall because you’re heliophobic? Oh yeah, pile that on and don’t stop until you’ve burned through a couple of cheap keyboards elaborating. Finally Diego sticks his hand directly in the beam of sunlight.

The second his fingers entered the beam, the cave was filled with a million brilliant rainbow reflections. It was bright as noon in a glass room—light everywhere. I flinched and then shuddered. There was sunlight all over me.

So now being a vampire makes you into a disco ball? All Bree needs to do now is jab a suddenly appearing jukebox to start a Bee Gees single and begin her big dance number. Heck, I’d take that over what’s being going on any day of the week. ‘Days of the Vampire Disco Wars’ would be a million times more interesting than ‘Boring girl and boy vampire attempt to think and then die.’ After staring at the light for longer than Otis focused on Diego’s backstory, we get a random thought.

“Do you think Riley knows?” I whispered.

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

Here’s a thought guys, who cares? Riley is surrounded by crazies and he’s at least wrong about you’re weakness. He’s either lying or he doesn’t know anything. Either way it’s time to run away somewhere very far away, preferably someplace where you can wear long sleeves and large hats without drawing too much attention to yourselves. Might I suggestBermuda?

But no, instead they’re just going to hang about and pay closer attention to what’s going on. And Diego thinks he’s figured out where the “old stories” come from. Apparently people are so dumb that if they saw a sparkly guy they’d figure he was lit on fire. Right, because people back in the olden days couldn’t tell the difference between glittering versus fire. Man, people used to be so dumb in the days of history.

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