Bree Part 4

I love when Otis tries to make characters who are supposed to be, how should I put this, poor. Or, more to the point, not as well off as a stupid, English grad hippie who lives in Arizona and has a crippling fear that the crazy people police will curb stomp her in the because she once drank a Coke. It’s right up there with Bruce Willis deciding that, being a rich and famous actor, he’s one of the people out there best suited to singing the blues.

It’s not so much Otis’s position in life that makes her characters untenable. A good writer has the means to both understand and speak for a character even if they’ve never been in the same position themselves. But Otis isn’t one of those, no she’s one of those people that can only speak from personal experience and it’s clear from her writing that much of her experience has been in dicking around. I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, Otis, but swinging by the local Target to grab some sandwich bags does not constitute excitement nor does it add to the plot.

Anywho, I was going somewhere with all this. Oh right. See, Diego is from the “ghetto” and was trying to get out. He worked really hard at school and avoided the local gang but his little brother didn’t.

Wait, what? Why are you dumping these details on us like this, Otis? Have you considered, oh, trying a little thing called showing? I’m trying to picture Otis in kindergarten during show and tell.

‘Okay, next is Stephanie. What did you bring in Steph?’ ‘I brought in a pretty rock. It’s pretty and has sparklies in it.’ ‘Okay, and where is this pretty rock?’ ‘In my pocket.’ ‘Can we see it?’ Myer blinks in confusion and then smiles. ‘It’s a very pretty rock, prettier than any rock you’ve ever seen. It was cold because I found it in the snow but now it’s warm.’ ‘Okay then.’ ‘It’s a super, awesome pretty rock…’ ‘Uh, that’s great Stephanie, you can sit down now.’

So Diego grabbed a gun and shot the guy that got his brother. Exactly how and why they “got” his brother isn’t very clear. Was he in the gang and they killed him? If so, why? Why did he join the gang when his older brother was setting a better example than that? Does the little brother have a name or is he just “Diego’s brother”? Is Diego’s brother dead or did he simply fly of toColumbiato oversee cocaine production?

Apparently the little brother’s sole purpose for joining the gang was so he could die and then Diego would get revenge and then turn into a vampire and he’d have a sad story to tell later. And Bree was approached by Riley who offered her a hamburger and then bit her. Wow, what a pair of riveting stories. Why, they’re so involving and deeply thought out that I spent more time on them than Otis.

Somehow these two have never sat down and had a conversation before. I guess that they just kind of ignored each other like office workers whose daily routine involves wholesale murder. ‘Hey, Ted. How’s it going?’ Screams of prostitutes. ‘Not bad Charlie. Looking forward to the ballgame?’ Sobbing of children about to be drained of life. ‘Yup.’ ‘Yup.’ Sirens wail off in the distance, responding to a scene of unbridled violence. ‘Alright. Well, see ya later.’ ‘Later then.’

And being as these two characters have read Eclipse, they, I mean Bree, figure out that they’re just pawns. Well that’s just bloody wonderful, isn’t it? Diego has been a vampire for almost a year and he’s never put the pieces together but Bree does in less than three months? I guess all the other vampires received some permanent brain damage before they got turned.

And now that they’ve figured out they’re just pawns in a…actually they haven’t figured out what they’re pawns for. Oh, and Otis? Using the term pawns implies there’s something clever going on which requires deep thought or strategy like chess. They’re more like checkers or marbles at best.

So Bree and Diego talk about what they know and what they’ve learned from Riley. Nothing beyond being a vampire it turns out. Surprising considering Diego was a hard working student who studied and, presumably, got good grades and Bree is the author avatar. You’d assume a model student or madam Sue would have paid a little attention. But they didn’t and they decide to pay more attention from now on.

Hey, that’s a brilliant plan. You know what else you should do? Stop sucking at merely existing! I mean, come on. What else are these idiots doing all day? They don’t sleep and they spend the daylight hours hidden away. Given all that free time they’ve got to spend a little of it thinking. Eventually even the dumbest of them would start wondering exactly why Riley, or Victoria, keeps making fledglings.

Then again, the characters can only be as smart as the author. Thus they’re all rock stupid unless someone else makes them think. One day, Otis, I will see you dragged through the streets and stoned.