Eldest Chapters 37 & 38

These chapters are called ‘elva’ and ‘resurgence’.

Nasuada Wakes: 13

I just couldn’t wait to have her wake up. Someone wakes her up and she sees Jörmundur entering her room. Apparently no one knows how to knock in this series. I can’t wait until Arya barges in on Eragon and Saphira. ‘Hey Eragon, I brought some…sweet jesus, what’re you doing!’ ‘I’m just praying to Saphira’s ancestors.’ ‘You get up off the floor this instant! What if Oromis were to come in here?’ ‘Eragon? Arya? Are you two praying in there!’ ‘No! We’re doing naked, dirty things.’ ‘Hold on, I’ll be right up.’

The links of his hauberk clinked as he bowed. “My Lady.”

And why, pray tell, does Jörmundur wander around in full armor? Sure he’s garrisoned at the castle and Gabby doesn’t send forces anywhere unless it’s to harass someone but he’s ready for an attack. I picture him as the paranoid general that’s convinced that the Reds are going to attack any day.

Jörmundur(I hate typing his name too) tells Nasuada that she has to come look. There’s something going on with the girl that Eragon blessed. He won’t say she just has to come right now. Again, why this can’t be delegated to someone who might be able to do something is beyond me. ‘Gee, something’s going on that’s related to magic. Should I go get Trianna the sorceress or the head of the Varden who knows less than squat about squat? Nasuada it is.’

Nasuada wanders over to some tower where the girl is and goes inside. She sees an old woman and a four year old. Also someone draped a bunch of black cloth over the walls because they were about to shoot an experimental film in there before they were kicked out by the old lady who chased them away with a mouldering bra. Then the kid talks.

Nasuada recoiled without thinking, clutching at the dagger she kept strapped to her left forearm. It was an adult’s voice and filled with an adult’s experience and cynicism. It sounded profane coming from the mouth of a child.

First Star Wars, then Lord of the Rings, then Wheel of Time and now Dune? Anyone of my other favorites you’d like to rape to death Chris? Why not just rip Felix out of Armor while you’re at it or maybe Richard from Neverwhere? Do you want to steal some out of a videogame while you’re at it Chris? Why not a Master Chief clone followed by a Vault Dweller?

So yes, the girl, Elva, is Alia from Dune. The magic in her blood, because who wants magic in their skin, ew, compelled her to grow up so she can be a shield from harm for others. She doesn’t begrudge Eragon though, somehow she knows he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. And that makes it okay? If a driver runs me down but is blackout drunk and can’t remember it I’m not forgiving them.

Alia, I mean Elva, is offering herself to the Varden because the sooner the war ends the less compelled she is to help people. Oh and she can see into the future and I don’t doubt she has more hidden powers from the mark Saphira gave her. Nasuada thinks that maybe someone else should be working on this.

She can’t be left unsupervised. I need someone to watch her. Someone who understands magic and is comfortable enough with their own identity to resist Elva’s influence… and who I can trust to be reliable and honest. She immediately discounted Trianna.

Yes, because she’s evil. She’s an independent woman who’s attractive but not blonde. Chris might as well tattoo ‘I M evil!’ on her forehead and be done with it. Again, why is she not to be trusted? Why is Angela that much better? She uses a tiny dwarf weapon and travels with a werecat that’s named after someone’s butt. I’d say that, at the least, it shows she’s unstable. I wouldn’t be surprised if she turned Elva into a cactus simply because she wanted to see if she could grow peyote.

‘How does it feel?’ ‘It kind of itches a little.’ ‘Where?’ ‘I don’t know, I’ve never been a cactus before. Where would you say my forehead is?’ ‘Not sure.’ ‘Oh well, I’d like to change back now.’ ‘Really? That’s interesting. I don’t know that one.’ ‘What? Are you saying I’m stuck like this?’ ‘I could turn you into a newt. Maybe then you could get better.’

Eragon Wakes: 14

Then we go back to Eragon in the next chapter. He’s woken up by a gust of wind. The moron forgot to close the window and now he’s wandering about trying to close it. Whee, Chris.

I worked a reception desk job once and every time it would rain in the summer people would dash out to roll their windows up. That’s about how exciting this is Chris. I’m watching a moron do something he should have taken care of before and it neither adds to the story nor tells me anything I didn’t know about the idiot.

Eragon closes the ‘membrane’ that serves as elvish shutters. It bulges but doesn’t let wind in. Eragon marvels at what elves can do. It is interesting…how none of this stuff is shared with anyone else. If the elves have all these useful things why aren’t they sharing them or at least selling them? Because they’re self righteous jerks. He gets struck by a low flying fairy and passes out for a second.

Eragon Wakes: 15

Eragon goes into the study which is in the same state. He attempts to close the window again and this time his sciatica flares. He goes unconscious then comes back and finds the place is a mess. Saphira’s stuck inside the stairwell and he helps push her back out, finding that she’s ruined the patterns on the wall.

At least you did it, not me. The elves might forgive you. They’d sing dwarf love ballads night and day if you asked them to.

Wait, what? Are dwarven love ballads terrible? Are they loud and grating or are they supposed to be sung in an extremely high falsetto? Maybe dwarves sing country western hits of the seventies, who knows? Chris sure isn’t telling. That’s like saying ‘at least Chance Mckenzie didn’t dance for us.’ No one has any idea if that’s good or bad.

Eragon tells Saphira to get some sleep because they’ve got a full day tomorrow. Yeah, because you never get enough rest, Eragon. You could have just woken up from a sixteen year nap and you’d just smack your lips and ask if there’s time for another. Eragon manages to get to sleep, bravely ignoring the swaying of the tree he’s sleeping in. That’s the kind of hero coma patients can get behind.

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