Eldest Chapters 7 & 8

These chapters are ‘requiem’ and ‘fealty’.

Eragon Wakes: 2 (from here on out I’ll count the waking of any character who’s leading the narrative as part of this.)

Eragon and Saphira are still in the dwarves beer hall. There’s a couple of coeds laying about in various states of undress, some of them elvish, and Eragon can’t feel his legs. It turns out Saphira is laying on them and they’ve gone to sleep.

There’s some dwarf there waking him for Ajihad’s funeral. He drops off some ‘nice’ slothes for Eragon and leaves as Saphira gets up. She curses mead but says, yeah, she’s totally good for work. Pop a few aspirin, maybe sneak a shot in the bathroom, and she’ll manage it bro.

The dwarves are burying Ajihad down in the catacomb where all the dwarves go. He gets a smaller chamber off to the side so people won’t walk by the dead dwarves and disturb things. Aji’s coffin gets placed on a pedestal in the center of this chamber with an inscription saying he was a great man and such. Just what he did to earn this, I’m not sure and no one’s sharing.

Eragon remembers that Murtagh is dead too. ‘Oh yeah! I’m supposed to be sad. Boohoo.’ He stops by the sarcophagus and mutters the greatest praise he can think of. ‘You were the best fleshed out character of all of us ol’ Aji-boy.’

Twelve dwarves come by and put the lid on, locking in the deadness. This keeps the juices in so when he’s slow roasted the meat will remain tender and moist. Now, I started cooking a relative of Aji’s, who has similar proportions, earlier today. Let’s see how that’s going. Mhmm, look at how the skin has gotten crispy and just slides off the flesh. Here’s a helpful tip, don’t toss out the drippings that accumulate in the bottom of the sarcophagus. Save it and use it to make your very own gravy! That’s all the time we have. Don’t forget to tune in next week for another edition of ‘Cooking with Firebreath’ when I prepare smoked elf. I’m Saphira, thanks for joining me.

The next chapter opens with Eragon being tired and yawning just like the audience. He’s musing how the change in power might provoke violence. Again, why? Was there a contentious issue regarding breakfast that Aji was for while his daughter is against?

‘I say that a full meal is a privilege, nay a right for anyone that awakens and works early.’ Ajihad said. The Varden cheered loudly at this as many of them slept to the cycle of the sun.‘Their choice of pancakes, eggs, toast and other sides as well as a broad range of beverages and a solid half hour to enjoy their meal.’

‘And I say they need nothing more than a bagel and a cup of coffee on the go.’ Nasuada retorted. ‘Lunch is a far more important meal, giving our workers the energy to complete their daily tasks with renewed vigor.’

‘Nonsense, it just bogs them down with digestion.’ ‘Only if they choose a heavy meal rather than a heart healthy selection.’ ‘That’s their choice and I stand by it all the way. Yes, I see a question in the back.’ ‘Pardon me but shouldn’t we be overthrowing Galbatorix?’ ‘You must be an anti-meal sympathizer, get him!’

They all pick Nasuada and support her. Everyone cheers because there’s nothing better than having an adored leader replaced with an unknown even if she’s a relative. Then comes the part where Eragon’s supposed to fulfill his promise. But how can he make good on tax reform when he’s little more than a figurehead? He’s barely fit for waving at parades and cutting oversized ceremonial ribbons with Za’roc.

Eragon swears fealty to Nasuada and this angers the ‘council’. Again, it doesn’t make any sense. Are they surprised that things went badly? I mean, they’ve only been failing at their job for at least seventy years. How can failure come as a surprise anymore?

Nasuada accepts and says that she won’t stop fighting until the Urgals are destroyed along with Gabby and Alagaësia is free. Free to accept the Varden as their new rulers. Anyone who doesn’t will be branded a traitor and put to death. Down with the tyrant Galbatorix!

The dwarf asks if Eragon planned that. No, he had the authors hand up his backside, manipulating him like a muppet. He declares just how clever Eragon is and gives him a dragon snack to treat him.

Saphira watched him go, then said, We should prepare to leave Farthen Dûr. The council will be thirsty for revenge. The sooner we’re out of their reach, the better.

And the sooner you get going the more likely something will start happening, even if Eragon just runs to the corner to buy a sandwich and soda. However, I’m guessing that Eragon will just run into more dull, ill meaning people who suck just because and then triumph through no skill of his own.