Eragon Chapter Thirty Five

Considering the state of Galbatorix’s nemesis, it’s hard to be mad at him for seizing power. I mean, if his only real threat is a dragon jockey so thick he could crack dragon eggs with his forehead, then what was the state of the country before Galbatorix came along?

Sure he’s evil but if the ruling family and their forces were competent they could have at least made him work for it. Going by the sounds of things they were rousted without much of a fight. And Galbatorix installed his rule without leaving behind any veterans of the war.

Plus he sure seems to have the full support of the military, I don’t see anyone defecting from the empire’s ranks. I figure Galbatorix has to be doing at least one thing right and maybe that’s managing his army.

‘Hey Bob. Did you hear about the new provisions Galbatorix signed into law for soldiers like us?’ ‘Which part? The hazard pay differential, the one month vacation(barring acts of war), the education funds, signing bonus, pension, healthcare or the armorer’s he has developing better forms of personal protection?’ ‘I was referring to the discounts at the liquor store but all that’s pretty good to.’ ‘And to think he signed it into law only a day after seizing power. I’ve got a good feeling about this monarchy.’

Eragon Wakes: 21

Eragon comes to and finds his head hurts and he’s tied up. That’s strange, he could have sworn he said his safe word just before he passed out. When he gets loose he’s going to have words with the manager of this so called dungeon. Just where did his mistress of pain go anyway?

Then he realizes Brom is tied to him. One thing I find hilarious is how the author, via Eragon, shows that he uses deductive reasoning. That is to say, he makes semi-logical assumptions and they turn out to be right because the author makes it so. Eragon, for example, assumes that they wouldn’t tie Eragon to a dead man, ergo Brom is still alive.

See, that’s just not very believable. The first thing Eragon does is notice that he’s tied to his master so he begins wondering why? The first thing that’d come to me would be panic and maybe a few seconds of struggling against the ropes.

Secondly, tying a dead man to a live one is exactly the sadistic thing I would do if I were some evil creature like a Ra’zac. Or Brom might have been alive at first and then he did something, like mouthed off or attempted to escape, and they decided to kill him after. But then, I seem to have more of an imagination than Chris or his meat puppet Eragon.

Eragon looks up and sees one of the Ra’zac and prepares to utter a magic spell but  his mind goes blank. Oh, so status quo then? Now, does Chris take this opportunity to tell us what a Ra’zac looks like? Oh, hell no. That requires description and that makes Chris feel nauseous. It’s better to make them talk evil and sidestep their look completely.

Above him the Ra’zac laughed chillingly. “The drug is working, yesss? I think you will not be bothering us again.”

That’s how you know they’re evil, because their speech is peppered with hissing. And everyone knows that lizards are evil. Maybe that’s Chris’s message, Sahpira is evil. She’ll decide to change sides right at the very end and force Eragon to fight her to the death. He’ll get eaten and the lesson will be, don’t take on a dragon barehanded.

In the fashion of stupid bad guys, the Ra’zac taunt and say evil things to Eragon. ‘Oh, look. You have something shiny which I will take from you. Maybe I’ll stab your dragon while urinating over your uncle’s grave and referring to your mother as a prostitute. Wait a second, why did you start glowing?’

The Ra’zac take no notice of the dragon snorting smoke from her nostrils. Sure they work for a guy that owns a dragon and they can’t be completely ignorant of the firebreathing capabilities of the flying lizards but hey, why worry about the smoke coming from the dragon five feet away?

Brom starts to stir and the first Ra’zac tells the other to drug him more.

“Let’sss just kill him,” said the shorter Ra’zac. “He has caused us much grief.”

Okay, Chris. Why do they hiss on random words? I mean, it’sss like their ssspeech impediment kicksss in only when it’s more sinisssster? It makes me wonder if they have perfectly normal conversations when they’re out of sight. Hell, what if they’re a working, married couple?

‘I say, my dead Ra’zac. How does the day find you.’ ‘Oh, nothing worth complaining about. I’m a little tired from all the hunching and stomping about we have to do.’ ‘I know but it’s like the hissing thing. We have to keep up appearances. I mean, what would the people say if we weren’t obviously evil?’ ‘Oh, dear me. Perish the thought. I was just griping about a nuisance we face while on the job.’ ‘I know, we do work hard at our image. What say after this shift we go have a glass of fino and put on some Stravinsky?’ ‘A capital idea!’

The Ra’zac, who don’t deserve names and might as well book some a couple of plots right now, talk about killing Brom. They drag Brom over to another part of the clearing and prepare to slice his throat open. Before they can though, arrows start flying and hit the Ra’zac.

The Ra’zac let go of Brom and take cover and then more arrows start coming from behind them. They flee as Brom gets back up and wanders over to Eragon. One of them throws their dagger at Eragon as they’re leaving. Why they do this isn’t clear as they were given orders to keep him alive. Apparently they adhere to directions until it’s important to the plot.

Brom, seeing a chance to be remembered in a good light rather than the drunkard he really is, jumps in front of the thrown knife. How he can manage this while he’s drugged to the point he can barely move is beyond me. Maybe he was just faking being unconscious so he could see if Eragon would start being competent.

Okay, I’m conscious and regaining control over my muscles. Very good. I can hear the Ra’zac rooting through our things so they’re clearly distracted. Let’s see. Eragon is younger and in better shape than me and he hasn’t ravaged his liver with years of drinking so he should already be awake. Yup, no doubt he’s formulating a plan of escape in his mind right now. Whenever you’re ready Eragon. Great, he’s not waking up. It’s times like these that I pray for death.

Brom dies and then Eragon passes out. Before he does he screams ‘no’ dramatically because if you’re going to do a cliché you might as well go all the way.