Eragon Chapter Twenty Two

This chapter is called ‘through a dragon’s eye’. Yes, through a dragon’s eye Eragon is just as stupid and redundant as a pair fuzzy dice in a casino. I imagine that right now Saphira is looking over a few discussion forums on how to break the bond with Eragon so she can go do interesting things without being tied to a weak, squishy pace maker.

It makes the story more entertaining to imagine that Saphira is desperately frustrated at having her life tied to his. It’d be like being born as an Abrams tank, with a full load out of weaponry and discovering the world is severely lacking in anti-tank weaponry. Only to end up having your existence hinge on the survival of a red squirrel that won’t stop playing around a minefield. So you’re constantly rolling around trying to keep the stupid thing alive all the while yelling at if for its ignorance to which it replies, ‘I like nuts! Especially the metal ones that humans bury in the ground!’.

Eragon Wakes: 14

The next morning Eragon woke with stiff limbs and purple bruises. He saw Brom carry the saddle to Saphira and tried to quell his uneasiness. By the time breakfast was ready, Brom had strapped the saddle onto Saphira and hung Eragon’s bags from it.

Eragon gets himself together while Brom gives him a crash course in dragon flying. This involves telling Eragon to relax, hold on and to guide Saphira with his thoughts. Yes, because you should be trying to tell the dragon how to do what she does all the time. Suddenly Eragon is supposed to be the stuffy middle manager who keeps stopping by, interrupting you at work and telling you to keep working.

Now that the red squirrel is safely lock in the cockpit, Saphira is more than willing to show him flying. He panics of course to which she tells him to shut up and let her handle it as this isn’t her first day. She uses the mind link to her advantage and makes him see the world through her eyes. If this were a movie, she’d dive from a great height, open her wings up just before hitting the ground and then fly low while Eragon shouted ‘whoo-hoo!’ or even ‘whee!’.

They fly about, they chat about weather, Saphira reveals she’s been studying the Dicta Boelcke. Suddenly Eragon feels someone trying to get into his head. It sounds like Patrick Stewart and he keeps asking about some ‘magnato’ fellow. Eragon tries to tell him he has the wrong number but his mind snaps under the pressure and he devolves into a raving lunatic.

Or it’s Brom telling him to come on down as he’s the next contestant on the Price is Right. Which was funny because Eragon tried to block him out and Brom calmly sidestepped his defenses like an indulgent parent picking up the cardboard box their kid was using as a fort.

Eragon lands, they look at some Ra’zac tracks and then some strange tracks. Hold on a minute Chris. Just what the hell do Ra’zac tracks look like? I don’t even know what Ra’zacs look like let along their foot prints. Why not describe them to give us a glimpse of how awful they are? No? Alright then.

Apparently the unidentified tracks look like dragon prints but Brom says that dragons wouldn’t carry a Ra’zac. A good thing too because I’d hate for them to have something like, say, a zombie dragon at their disposal. It might mean something will happen.

With their mental capacities strained to the limit, the trio give up and have lunch. They don’t know where the Ra’zac went and Brom says it’s up to Eragon what they do next. Luckily the decision isn’t left in captain retard’s hands for more than a second as he finds a plot continuation device lying on the ground.

Eragon ground his teeth angrily and stalked away from Brom and Saphira. Just as he was about to enter the trees, his foot struck something hard. Lying on the ground was a metal flask with a leather strap just long enough to hang off someone’s shoulder. A silver insignia Eragon recognized as the Ra’zac’s symbol was wrought into it.

What symbol is that? It’s like the author couldn’t be bothered with the important details. Sure, tell us all about what a miller does for a living but don’t hint at what a Ra’zac insignia is.

The stuff in the flask is an oil that has been enchanted to burn flesh. It’s rare so only a few places sell it to begin with. Thus begins the subsection of Eragon that’s like an episode of CSI. Seemingly unsolvable moment, convenient clue and improbable deduction leading to resolution.

They now have a destination to get to. Of course all this could have been prevented if the bad guys were willing to order torture supplies from somebody else but no, they have a contract with Pluther’s Emporium of Screams who carries a very limited stock of equipment. Eragon practices with Brom and he’s tired by the end, what a surprise.

<<Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty Three>>