Eragon Chapter Twenty One

This chapter is called ‘daret’ which sounds like one of those dopey pseudo-curses you hear people use in old-timey westerns. ‘Daret, Eragon. Git yur gosh danged hand out of my dang blabbit blubber bloo.’ ‘Ur, okay. Are you cursing at me or are you stroking out?’ ‘B’lim blavin’ bla bloke! Blehp!’

They ride into town and all the townsfolk dart inside away from them, sensing an impending storm. A lone Yul Brynner walks out of the saloon with his right hand resting casually over his gun. “It’s your move.” He says as his face twists into a vicious smile. Armed only with a bow and confusion Eragon gets shot three times before he realizes they crossed the border into Westernworld. The rest of the story is about Galbatorix running through Medivalworld trying to survive until Yul’s battery is empty.

Or they go into town and find it eerily empty, like they did a the other town. Being unable to learn from past experiences and, as it’s against the rules to use player knowledge in game, they pretend it’s only weird and decide to pass through. Surprise, surprise they’re ambushed by archers and a dude on a wagon. Eragon tells his dragon to stay away because that’s like bringing a gun to a cat fight.

They exchange whining about Urgals and death and blah blah blah. They are told to wait right there and they’ll have their supplies brought to them then they can pay and leave. They do just that and promise to tell the ‘empire’ of the town’s plight.

Brom chides Eragon for not sensing the man’s intent. Eragon, like those of us reading at home, goes ‘hur?’ Ready for Eragon to gain a new power? It turns out he can use his mind powers to read people too. Well, it’s a good thing Eragon has that. I’m sure it’ll prove to be absolutely necessary at some point. He also offers a token, ‘but with great power…’ speech about not violating people’s privacy unless it’s important. You know, like when he wants to know if a girl, like, really likes him or not.

Brom then reveals that, oh sure, someone else could use these powers to get into his head but he can block them out. All it takes is concentrating on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. Eragon asks how he can learn this skill.

“How can I learn to do this?” asked Eragon.

Yes, how do you learn to think? That’s a good question, Eragon, because if you don’t know by now I’m not sure any size of stick can beat it into you. Though I’m all for Brom making the attempt. Please Brom, don’t hold back. Hit him as hard as you think necessary…for education purposes of course.

Saphira, attempting to remind us she’s still in this story, tackles Eragon and pins him under one, uh, paw? She says that, starting tomorrow, he’ll ride her because it’s too dangerous otherwise. Brom says it’s a good idea because then he can scout for traps and stuff. You know, the kind of thing Saphira should have been doing on her own already.

But hey, Saphira just can’t see as well as Eragon. It’s not like a dragon, a creature meant to fly around at high speeds, would have excellent sight and be capable of dealing with the wind with, say, a third eyelid. Her perception will be greatly enhanced by the two legged land mammal that doesn’t own a pair of riding goggles.

Brom decides to forgo the stick beating session and instead tells Eragon to get out the sword. If Brom were to kill him it would be the funniest moment in the whole book. Unfortunately that’s not likely to happen. Brom uses some magic to put a magic barrier on the swords to prevent them from cutting each other. Damn, and here I was hoping Eragon would end up looking like a patchwork ventriloquist dummy that’s fallen into a blender.

They both had large welts when they stopped, Eragon more so than Brom. He marveled that Zar’roc had not been scratched or dented by the vigorous pounding it had received.

Really Chris? Is that how you want to close the chapter? Don’t you know what the writers of fan fiction do with such easy lines like that?

<<Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty Two>>