Though Chris doesn’t do the usual awakening I’m still counting it. It starts off with ‘the next morning’. That’s the phrase writers actually use instead of ‘it was a dark and stormy night.’ It gets trotted out so much it’s keeled over, died, been beaten, reanimated, staked through the heart, decapitated and buried at the crossroads only to rise again. Don’t get me wrong, clichés have their place at times. I just hate that one.
This chapter is called ‘Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle’. That’s the first non sequitur chapter name I’ve come across. I wonder if Chris punched that title up as he was drifting off during his narcoleptic phases. Then he woke up and looked at what he had typed, deleted the ‘stab the mushroomsdahgdsakljklj;’ and kept what was coherent.
Eragon complains, giant surprise, and Brom tells him to suck it up and deal with it hero boy. They get on their horses and head towards the plains. Saphira says she’ll just sort of hang out above them because there’s nowhere to hide. That and it will be awesome when she swoops down and bites the head off of somebody, thus rendering any skills Eragon has completely moot.
Speaking of which, I look forward to seeing how Chris keeps Eragon relevant as a character when Saphira should be stealing the show. To me it’s kind of like how Michael Bay made Labeouf the center of attention by tossing all sense out the window by having the giant robotic vehicles hand the Macguffin over to the human. Yes, let’s not give it to the sports car robot. No, hand it over to the human who might have a top speed of twenty five miles an hour if he were in shape and taking performance enhancing drugs.
We have the same problem here with the dragons. They’re strong, agile, intelligent and their power seems to be having lots and lots of powers. What makes the rider necessary then? Chris is going to have to work extra hard to make Eragon even remotely relevant to the story and it will be hilarious to see how, or if, he does it.
Brom stops and frowns when he sees the Ra’zac are headed to the town of Bliblahblah which is just west of Blahbliblah. They’re famous for their deep fried Hartu’rah complete with side of potatoes and beer.
They stop to get water and Eragon indulges in a little rage fantasy of turning the Ra’zac into pincushions. Again funny because Brom is more capable with a weapon and Saphira is more dangerous. The plains are dry and windy, Eragon hates that, Eragon can’t manage to start a fire, they spar. Dull, dull, and dull.
Eragon Wakes: 11
Yes, Eragon wakes up in mid-chapter. Chris spares showing us that he goes to sleep, a small improvement, but still can’t think of a good way to start things off. Because Chris went to the Jaws school of writing he decides that antagonists are supposed to threaten to show up and then fail to do so. Instead he turns to good ol’ mother nature to funsish us with some tenstion.
They ride into a thunderstorm, deciding that it’s going to suck no matter what they do. All three characters have drank a BigGulp’s worth of Moron Slurpee because not one of them realizes that wind and flying creatures aren’t the best of friends.
The air which normally does the obedient task of letting Saphira survey her kingdom has turned traitor and tosses her about. Eragon dashes back and helps her fold her wings in so she doesn’t get turned into the world’s largest kite.
The weather sucks for a bit, then it doesn’t. They’re tired so they make camp and go to sleep. I have a feeling the counter will roll up one more at the start of the next chapter.
Saphira gets stuck in a tree next to Charlie Brown’s kite.
That’s what I was thinking too.