Eragon Chapter One

This chapter is called ‘discovered’. Hmm, does this mean that Eragon will circumnavigate the globe and discover the east Indies and initiate trade? Perhaps he will land near present day Cuba? Oh the wonders this chapter will contain. Let’s sit back and watch, shall we?

We begin with our eponymous hero, Eragon, hunting an injured doe. Ah, it reminds me of my hunting days. Smeared in camouflage makeup, longbow at the ready, stalking my prey while struggling to make as little noise as possible. Then suddenly, without warning, police strobes start flashing and you have to run from your bush and abandon the jogger.

‘Ragon is out hunting near some mountains that only he has the cajones to go near. Too bad he’s hunting out of season and Ranger Smith doesn’t approve. Rag is going to get a heavy fine for this and his bow will get confiscated.

Look Chris, we all know where this is going. Just get the kid pointed in the direction of the Macguffin and let’s get this show on the road.

And there’s a random explosion that jars the deer and sends them off. Those telepathy lessons seem to be paying off. Ah, no food for Rag boy. Being the result of sixteen generations of inbreeding, Rag stands stock still for a few minutes. No joke, he just stands there like he’s hoping a cheese sammich will fall from the sky and into his drooling mouth.

Once his brain has cooled off sufficiently enough to start working again, Rag notices something in the middle of the clearing. Why golly, it looks like some sort of plot related thingy. Better stuff it in your bag before Aragon shows up and muscles you out of a job.

Eragon found the stone both beautiful and frightening. Where did it come from? Does it have a purpose? Then a more disturbing thought came to him: Was it sent here by accident, or am I meant to have it? If he had learned anything from the old stories, it was to treat magic, and those who used it, with great caution.

Why no Rag, you’re not meant to have it. Look for an identifying tag first. Don’t just assume whatever you find in the forest belongs to you. Didn’t the fairy folk of Fern Gully teach you anything? Plus there’s a note that comes with it that says, ‘not for Eragon’. That means you can’t keep it. Take it right over to lost and found this instant young man.

And what’s with these ‘old stories’ anyway? Are you referring to something like Tolkien’s work? Maybe you could tell us one of those stories instead. They seemed to impart a sense of respect in him whereas this one has, so far, only taught me that hunting really sucks as a kid running around with sparklers can ruin three days worth of work.

I’m not sure whether I should be relieved or annoyed that he recognizes it as a plot coupon. So he’s only retarded when the plot demands it, nothing new on that end. It doesn’t mean it’s a good thing but still we’re in familiar territory.

Giving up easily, a stronger trait in a protagonist, Rag sets up camp and goes to sleep. That’s what I like to see in a hero. ‘Ugh, man. Carrying this story is hard. I think I’d better have a lie down first. You know, before all the stuff starts happening.’

And the chapter closes quickly. The table of contents assures me that these get a little longer once we get in. Will the story be improved by that though? Not likely.


Chapter Two>>

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