Host Chapter Fifty Four

There is one thing I like about Otis. Okay, let me rephrase that. There is one trait which is going to provide me with a whole lot of amusement in the near future, her lack of creativity.

See, Host and Twilight are so close to being parallel universes Bella can wave good morning to Eve. Otis doesn’t have the skill to make her stories about anything other than, for lack of a better term, romance. In fact, the author’s dedication at the front is quite telling.

To my mother, Candy, who taught me that love is the best part of any story.

That’s highly suggestive of someone who won’t be able to make the story about anything else. I could be wrong, I often am, but so far the sum of Otis’s work says otherwise.

I’ll make a bold prediction as to the rest of her career, one I hope will pan out. She’ll continue to exhaust silly ideas taken from old movies and television and her work will receive steadily less attention and sales.

Frustrated and unwilling to leave the spotlight gracefully, she’ll make a return to the Twilight universe, much to the celebration of the old fanbase. The newest Twilight installment will sell like mad after many delays and much anticipation. However, the fans will find the story lacking. Partly due to author failure and partly because the source material wasn’t very good in the first place. The ensuing backlash will end her career for good.

That’s merely my hope because otherwise I have to imagine her being around and selling one crappy bestseller a year for the rest of her life, convinced she’s a good author. And I could be wrong, maybe one day she’ll straighten out, learn a few things and pen something good. She could, after all, graduate all the way to passable and make something that isn’t overblown tripe. And while we’re dreaming I could find myself riding a dragon and hurling fireballs at jet planes as Don Felder plays Heavy Metal in the clouds.

This chapter is called ‘forgotten’. As in, ‘oh crap I’ve forgotten that this story was supposed to be going places and now it’s bloody huge. Quick someone scribble down an ending and I’ll go with it.’ Or maybe it was a nod to the editor who forgot to reign Otis in and set a word limit.

We start off with Eve talking to the ‘healer’, that is the one that lived. She starts asking her for her name and then the whole band kicks in. ‘Whoooo are you, who who. Who who. I really want to know.’

Eve sits around throwing out a phone book of names and talking to a comatose patient. Then she stops breaking the fourth wall and goes back to the ‘healer’. It’s a good thing that she can’t just say the right name to wake the lady up because that would be too easy. And that’s what’s happening. Way to break the tension with the grace of a rubber band snapping apart Otis. Don’t want to end with things kind of ambiguous would you? No, that would make the sequel you’re planning a little too easy. This way it’s completely unnecessary.

Okay, so maybe the name belonged to the bug and not the human. She comes around with a bad case of I’ve-just-been-smacked-by-a-tire-iron amnesia. It’s the ‘Who, what, where, duh, panic!’ phase. Or as I like to think of it, what Otis goes through every time she wakes up.

For some reason the entire compound has turned into a creepy ghost town. With all the half eaten meals left behind it’s a Special Forces strike team away from being populated by some monster or other that pulls them into the shadows to be eviscerated one by one.

Eve thinks everyone’s abandoned her and evacuated. Why would they do this? Why not? Asks the author. At this point we’re not supposed to be asking questions because we’re supposed to be sad that Eve is going to off herself. Just roll with it, Otis says. Well, as she would say it ‘Caw! Caw! I’m totally not a harpy! Caw!’ Flap flap flap.

Like a bipolar meth addict, Eve swings through highs and lows. First it’s that everyone evacuated and then it’s that everyone got kidnapped and made into drones. How either of these would have been accomplished isn’t adequately covered but Otis and her characters aren’t renowned for their ability to follow threads of logic are they?

Huzzah, Kyle’s back. Unless he’s holding a sharp object he plans on decapitating Eve with, I’m not sure I care. There’s a lot of yelling at Kyle because, again, it’s irresponsible for him to endanger everyone but not for Eve. How dare he be selfish when he’s not the main character. Didn’t he read Otis’s ACH, the ancillary character handbook?

It’s the fight,Mel guessed.They weren’t comfortable with happiness, but they’re at home with fury.

That’s directed at Sharon and Maggie because they’re mean and in the thick of the commotion. We get it Otis, they’re going to get some comeuppance later on. Why don’t you just close a chapter with them peering forlornly out of a porthole on big ship Buggery as it blasts away towards planet Knob where all the plants make naturally occurring Rohypnol? I don’t know who they represent but Otis sure hates them which, in turn, makes me feel a little sorry for them.

The chapter closes with Kyle asking Eve for help. Presumably to keep them from mobbing his possessed girlfriend. How’s that heel face turn working out for you, Kyle? Are you sure I couldn’t tempt you into killing Eve now? Not even for a Twix? How about two? Oh well.

<<Chapter Forty Three

Chapter Fifty Five>>

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