Host Chapter Forty Eight

I’m constantly amused by Otis’s attempt to make us worry. It reminds me of comic books and how they always seem to try and end on a cliffhanger. Oh no, it seems Eve is dangling over a vat of acid and the Mentalist has stolen her Wristguard of Gadgets. How ever will she get down? Surely not some overly contrived manner which will involve switchblades raining down from the heavens like some stiletto storm of providence. Then you get to the next part and that’s exactly what happens.

The problem with these kinds of solutions is that I don’t tolerate them inside a novel’s self contained universe. I allow it in TV shows because half the time people aren’t watching for the taut writing and plot but rather because they find one of the stars rather attractive or they laugh whenever the lead slaps her sidekick. This goes for movies as well but everybody knows TV and movies are for the unwashed heathens.

Now somebody might want to argue, ‘But Vivi, these are targeted at young adults. They aren’t supposed to have the kind of themes and heavy wordage you expect from your books.’ And to that I say bah. Novels targeted at ‘young adults’ shouldn’t be like this, they should be a couple of steps away from adult books while still entertaining. Instead all of Otis’s ‘novels’ sound like Jack Black talking about Rock. ‘They went to the Awesome Devil Concert and it was awesome as all hell.’

Not to mention the length of this bloody thing. A young adult novel doesn’t have inherent limits on length but Otis is getting ridiculous. I’m starting to think Otis make it this large so all her fans could carry it around and give knowing looks to those of us who’ve read a brick breaking fantasy novel like they’re part of the club now. I’ve got news for them and Otis, no you’re not.

And here’s where I gripe about the fans a bit. I’m glad that you’re just discovering the magical world of words after you’ve spent the last decade or so using books as dead weight you put in the back of the car to get extra traction in winter and laughing at people that read them. Until you crack open more than just another one of Otis’s blocks you’re not one of us so please stop pretending. The same goes for all the tweens who’ve just cut their baby teeth on these.

As you can tell I’m not really eager to get into this chapter. This one is called ‘detained’ in a not so subtle hint as to what’s going to happen when the cop pulls Eve over, checks her license and sends her on her merry way with no more than a fifteen minute delay. Unless the driver of that police car is Collie Entragian or lieutenant Jim Dangle I don’t hold out much hope to be entertained even in the slightest.

Now, again, the flashing colors and angry noise had only one meaning. A very similar meaning. Still the keepers of the peace. Still the punishers.

No, Dolph Lundgren and Thomas Jane are still the punishers in my book not Seekers. Does this mean HK isn’t going to pull a Victoria and show up in the last four chapters but get her head pulled off like a Barbie doll in the hands of a eleven year old within six seconds? Please Otis, my heart can’t take the suspense.

On a quick side note, I screwed up and said Eve was driving. Apparently Jared was driving but Eve had an unobstructed view of the dashboard which threw me off a bit.

And, as a commenter already pointed out, why do these aliens need law enforcement? Just who are they protecting anyway? I thought all the aliens existed in a Mayberry style community on a global scale, so said author. Shouldn’t the ‘seekers’ then be busy proactively hunting down humans rather than driving around, wasting gas and time?

It wasn’t as common a sight or sound as it had been before. The police force was only needed to help in cases of accidents or other emergencies, not to enforce laws. Most civil servants didn’t have vehicles with sirens, unless the vehicle was an ambulance or a fire truck.

Except that police wouldn’t be necessary in your utopian state Otis. In reality police aid other departments to lessen the strain. With no crime however they would be done away with, not kept around. I know what it really was Otis. You painted yourself into a corner and couldn’t think your way out so you jumped through the nearest window, not caring that the story plunge would kill it.

The characters all make sure they each have their cyanide pills and say their tearful goodbyes. No really, this happens and only serves to reinforce the fact that nothing bad will occur, these aren’t the humans you’re looking for.

Of course Eve, being the only person in the novel with an IQ larger than the number of Saw sequels, decides to try and lie her way out. She switches to the driver seat and tries to act. Much to my chagrin that word shows up again and I start having sparkle flashbacks.

Chagrin. I could do chagrin. I could feel it now.

Stop reading my mind Otis. Otis goes on to remind us how special Eve is and that there has never been anything like her before, an alien that can lie. Because author forbid we go ten pages without being forced to our knees to lick the boots of the protagonist and feed the ego of the fans who want so badly to identify themselves with Eve that they’ve started practicing identity theft.

The cop is Bella’s father, or might as well be for all the competence he shows. They banter and he reveals there might be some humans in the area. Apparently we’re now like mountain lions and used to scare children into not wandering off.

The ‘seeker’ smiles and leaves after giving her some alien amphetamine called, surprisingly enough, ‘Awake’. Kyle, driving the larger supply truck, pulls up near them and there’s a tense moment where Eve worries he’ll stop and then the jig will be up. Then officer Incompetently Smiles waves him on and he drives away.

More praise for Eve, even Jackie Otis joins in telling her how great she is. I’m about ready to skin her alive and make a hat out of her skin. Then she’ll really be unique and different.

Eve freaks out about the disappearance the ‘seeker’ mentioned. Could Doc be killing people in her absence? She starts crying right away because that is the best reaction rather than waiting to see if there’s fresh blood on the floor.

Eve approaches the cave ready to give Doc the cry of her life and guilt him to death when Jamie comes running out. Apparently Wes is dead and some ‘seeker’ killed him. Wow M. Night Otis, what a twist.

<<Chapter Forty Seven

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2 Responses to Host Chapter Forty Eight

  1. Allycat says:

    And don’t forget her Bond-like villians that gives us (dear gods) every detail of the diabolical plans before carrying them out.

    • vivisector says:

      ‘Do you expect me to talk, HK?’ ‘Why yes, but only after I blather on how I’ve been obsessing over you, building a shrine/wall of madness and generally trying to be clever while I run about like a chicken with my head cutoff. Then you’ll be free to share any empty headed thought that comes into your feeble brain before the plot resolves itself and I die a quick death which you’ll regret because you’re just so much better and different than me.’ ‘Well, when you put it like that…’

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