Host Chapter Thirty Four

I have another question for Otis, I almost always manage that. Why did HK go looking for Eve with a helicopter? Better yet, why do the aliens use human technology to get around?

Otis makes such a big deal about their medical tech that they come across like some sort of haughty space elves. The whole ‘they treat the cause not the symptoms’ garbage warrants a couple of Slapchops lodged in the brain for ol’ Otis. But presuming that’s the level of the aliens tech why are they driving around in combustion engine powered vehicles?

Supposedly they have the possessed ‘Spiders’ which made all the space tech for them and such. I’m guessing they’re the ones that made their spaceships which, just a hunch, don’t use what we’d consider conventional drives. Thus shouldn’t they have developed some other method of air/ground travel? Something for when the locals don’t have transportation and they need to get around. Or are the aliens just that retarded that they’ve never considered not having to walk?

I know the real reason, of course. It’s because Otis’s imagination was stretched pretty thin by the terrible aliens/names and the medical tech advancement. Anything more would have taxed that rotting peanut she uses to store her thoughts and boring memories.

This chapter is called buried. Ah, so we’re going to get a scene stolen directly from Kill Bill are we? I can’t wait to see where Jeeve learned her one inch punch style move that kills you after only five steps. Or perhaps it will be after she speaks five words to you in keeping with the medium Otis works with. On a side note, why the hell did the trainer speak Chinese to her yet he understood Japanese perfectly well? Gah! Now I’m recapping other things. Back on topic. Back on topic.

So Jared punches Kyle for being a dick. I had to stop and ask the question again, how can I hate this guy? Anyone who abuses other Otis characters is alright in my book. Of course that means I was rooting for Kyle but weren’t we all?

For some reason Jeeve finally takes issue with being called an it. She gets indignant because Eve is a female. Well how were they supposed to know that, moron? Do you have some rather obvious morphological traits that stand out easily to the naked eye? Oh wait, you’re stuck inside a human where no one can see you.

Somehow we get treated to the reproductive cycle of the aliens. Apparently the females choose to become ‘mothers’ and then they begin splitting apart and each cell becomes a new Crunchy. Eve says because this process is painful only the most altruistic elect for it which is why the aliens are just so gosh darn nice. Also they get part of their mother’s memory.

Ok Otis, first off nature wouldn’t allow choice to enter into breeding, not like that anyway. If a creature had to make a conscious decision to reproduce, they wouldn’t get very far. They’d be edged out of resources by creatures that breed like rabbits.

And just because it hurts doesn’t mean they’d be altruistic. Actually I think it’d make them quite mean right off. Their first memories are extreme pain coupled with those of their mother. I know I’d be coming around ready to mow down anything that looked at me funny after that. Only if it served the species as a whole would altruism likely be a desirable trait. I’d say it’s not being as these creatures as weaker than a virgin daiquiri. They should have been squashed by a roaming band of bed bugs armed with sticks by now

Walt is still suffering. Someone pass Jared a lead pipe so he can bash the poor man’s head in or give him the damn morphine. I am so sick of this poor dying charade that I’d do it myself just so I don’t have to listen to Eve whine about poor freakin’ Walt.

Doc finally euthanizes the poor bastard after how many chapters of agony he was dragged through so Eve could learn something about humanity. He dies and Eve cries. For some reason they give her a shot of morphine and let her sleep. Personally, I wouldn’t waste a half milligram on someone who didn’t need it were I a survivor but hey, she’s the protagonist and can’t be allowed to feel bad in the slightest.

When she wakes up they’re holding Walt’s funeral. The new theme park will be named after him in his honor and there will be a parade of brightly costumed characters waltzing down main street to celebrate his life.

They’re all standing outside from the looks of things, like outside the cave, though it’s hard to tell without being explicitly told by Otis. It’s a good thing that the aliens don’t choose right then to fly over them now in an atmospheric bomber equipped with sub fusion charges! Ahh, they’re all burning, oh the humanity of it all!

Eve gets to say a short eulogy along with all the other mush mouthed idiots. She drops a handful of sand over the grave and suddenly a shadow crosses her own. Eve has just enough time to realize that there’s no body in the hole before Ian swings the shovel and cracks her in the head. The world goes white and there’s a burst of pain like exploding glass in her neck. She hears Ian mutter something about being manipulated as she falls down into the hole and into the waiting arms of death. She idly wonders ‘Will I dream?’ as they begin to cover her in dirt.

Or Doc drugs her again. Apparently some people don’t trust blindfolding her. Which makes beyond no sense to me. Of course I’m all for anything that shuts her up. Though I’m getting sick of how so many chapters close with her losing consciousness and start with her waking up.

<<Chapter Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty Five>>

This entry was posted in Host, Recap and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s