Host Chapter Three

“She won’t recognize the new name,” the Healer murmured.

Well of course she won’t recognize the new name. She didn’t know her old name. You could call her Matajamba and she’s give you the same blank puzzled look that so characterizes Otis’s characters.

Jackie Otis detects the robust air of a scent. She immediately becomes enamored with it and begins filming a black and white commercial where only the perfume’s title is spoken. ‘Wanderer, by Cylons. Because you’re not worth it, meatbag.’ Why do the aliens wear perfume? Who cares unless it will figure semi-prominently in the upcoming story.

Otis likes hissing. Her vampires did it and so do her aliens. The seeker, she’s not getting capitalization form moi, gasps. Eve’s mind corrects her and says hiss. Because those two things are so totally the same and interchangeable. It’s like iridescent and luminescent. I wonder if Otis owns a cobra that she allows to bite her. Maybe that’s where she gets her inspiration, snake venom.

Eve asks if she was stuffed into a broken surrogate to get info out of it. Everyone assures her, that no they’d never do a thing like that so put it out of your mind. Gawd, quit being so suspicious. Eve then wants to know why her mind doesn’t work. Um, because the author hasn’t a clue on how it operates and thus you’re stuck with defective equipment.

Eve knows that the seeker wants the info she has. This shocks everyone, including herself. She wonders if it didn’t come from some other sense like intuition. Then she scoffs because nobody needs more than five senses. Oh wait, didn’t Eve just discover smell? What room does she have to talk about a number of senses being sufficient?

Also, what about the other senses? Humans have more than the simple five we think of so readily. What about pressure or temperature? How about moisture or balance? All are separate things which we can detect. Wouldn’t an alien, new to the body, be superbly aware of these new sensations? ‘I’ve got a new sensation(a new sensation)’ Unless the aliens are brought up with the incomplete education of a fifth grader they wouldn’t make any assumptions.

Otis spends more time describing Eve’s eyes adjusting than she does getting things moving. So far we’ve had two chapters and a prologue and we’re still stuck in the same room. Good job Otis, you wouldn’t want your fans to suffer whiplash from the breakneck speed your story moves at. It’s all about pacing, like in NASCAR.

Now we get descriptions for these characters. FDS is a ginger and the seeker is olive-toned. Ah yes, darker skin is evil. Been watching a lot of NCIS and 24 have we?

Seeker says that humans taken over when they’re older resist and that’s what Jackie Otis is doing right now. Eve wants to know if it’s happened before and FDS says it has and begins to share the case with us. *Gasp* You mean that Eve isn’t so unique that there’s never been anything like her before? Take it easy, Otis. My mind can barely comprehend such subtle nuances.

This other guy, Kevin, was on the same planet as Eve before. He started changing and blacked out. He would often order fifteen hookers at a time and sleep with cocktail waitresses when the opportunity arose. He wasn’t strong enough to overcome his sex addiction and his public image took a serious dive. This makes Eve worry but really she shouldn’t. Doubtless Otis will steal a page from the Dune series and Eve will make a deal and merge with her hooman personality.

“He knocked the Healer unconscious with a blow from his fist and then found a scalpel on her person. We found him insensible. The host had tried to cut the soul out of his body.”

Why don’t these aliens know anything about language? A blow from his fist? You could have made that a little more succinct Otis. ‘The password is…punch’ Just because they’re not human doesn’t mean they’re retarded like you.

There are a number of stupid terms that come up. Comforter, Seeker, Skipper and others. Otis should really try spending more than seven seconds coming up with these. Not only are they childish but they don’t roll off the tongue. The Seeker calls Eve a skipper. ‘Well hey there little buddy’. This is a bad thing, we suppose, because she moves from body to body as she pleases instead of living out their life cycle.

Luckily, FDS knows all about Jackie Otis’s history including her name which I’m not bothering to share because I like mine more. She was from New Mexico and lived in LA before the invasion. She went underground and is part of the ‘resistance’. She came to Chicago looking for ‘Sharon!’ and will be missed if she doesn’t rendezvous. Should her or any of her agents be caught the Bureau of Natural Human affairs will disavow any and all knowledge of her existence. This book will self-destruct in ten seconds.

So if they know all about Eve’s body then why does she need to get involved? This seems like one of those things that would come up when they’re stuffing Eve into the body. ‘Do we know anything about her?’ ‘Well, we have a complete history starting from her birth up until two days ago.’ ‘Why are we putting a “soul” into her body then?’ ‘We need more info.’ ‘Like what? Her favorite brand of peanut butter?’ ‘No, her preference in makeup and shoes. Oh, and her favorite type of ice cream.’

Jackie Otis left a note behind the fifth door on the fifth floor’s fifth door. This was all left on the fifth hour of the fifth day of the fifth month, scratched into the fifth piece of wood with her fifth finger. It’s secretly encoded but I will give you a hint as to the key. It involves a certain number from a certain sequence.

Eve goes over more memories. Wandering about and living in huts. No matter where they went they tried to stay off the grid and out of sight. No one was supposed to be able to find them until Judgment Day happened. But Skynet never came online and Jackie Otis was left wondering ‘Why?’

Suddenly Eve says that ‘he’, won’t be there. Whoever he is we get a sprinkling of superlatives added to his appearance. His name is Jared and he loves the Subway sammiches. It’s really what drew Jackie Otis and him together, their love of weight loss and cheap turkey sprinkled with mayo.

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