Eclipse Chapter Seventeen

Bella hears Edward’s soft voice from behind. Yes! Finally some boffing. If a book doesn’t have a good plot or action, there’s really only one more thing you can do to spice it up. Sure sex between Bella and Edward will be both boring and gross but maybe we’ll get a little skin action and it will partially redeem this book, right? Right?

Aaaannd they go inside to the party. I’m both relieved and disappointed. Bella says that the inside of chez Cullen has been transformed into a nightclub but one that only exists in movies or on TV. Yes, that would be one without alcohol or caffeinated soda.

Edward and Alice take a couple of jabs at people that like music that isn’t older than they are. It’s fun to be pretentious. Time to write a novel while sitting in a coffee shop. They start talking about the coming vampires that still loom ever closer. Otis is trying to keep the tension up but really global warming is a more immediate threat. It’s certainly better defined.

Mortals show up. Bella greets them. She has to concentrate on being a hostess. Alice set it up so that Bella’s the center of attention. No! How will she deal with being the center of attention? Please let the vampires attack, please oh pretty please with O negative on top.

So some people are enjoying themselves, Bella isn’t. She mingles, she talks to people. Edward tells her to stay put. Maybe he’s going to make a break for it and flee to New York where he can pursue his dream of being a dancer. Go Edward, join the cast of Cats!

Bella chases after him and meets Alice at the kitchen door. Alice gets a vision sent by PlotExpress, when your story absolutely, positively has to get started up again. Then the wolves show up and challenge everybody to a Frisbee match.

Bella asks Jacob why he showed up. Jacob’s all ‘Why you gotta hate on a playa like dat?’ Apparently she forgot she invited him and Otis is trying to keep his douche streak going by having him go where he’s not wanted. As a sort of peace offering he gives her a bracelet with a carved wolf charm he made. Sheesh, even when Otis is trying to make us dislike Jacob she doesn’t really manage it. Jacob then apologizes for not being Otis’s favorite and wishes he was.

In spite of the fact that Bella knows Jacob is only doing this because he’s still hoping to be with her, she takes the gift. In reality she should stop letting him feel hope and turn the gift down. But Bella doesn’t get to break many people and Jacob is a rare opportunity/treat. His tears will fuel her transformation from squishy human to elder vampire. She will let out a cry of ‘Let loose your pain and woe Jacob Black! For I feed on it!’ So she takes the gift and reminds him how important he is to her.

Jacob, Quil and Embry back her into a corner. Don’t worry though nothing’s going to happen. They just want to know what Bella knows about these mysterious vampires known only as the Anarchs.

Alice reappears, I didn’t know she was gone, and the wolves back up. Jasper then steps between them and things get tense. Could these five get in a supernatural brawl that will incur a number of casualties because they decided to settle their dispute at Bella’s party? No, we get treated to more talking. Ugh, this chapter is dragging more than a police net through the Hudson.

Alice gets another PlotExpress delivery and mentions that the vampires are coming to forks. One of them is carrying Bella’s red shirt. That’s because he’s the sacrificial vampire being sent in. Don’t be surprised if he comes with two other vampires who actually get names, lines and a tricorder. ‘Damn it Victoria I’m a vampire, not a Chupacabra!’

Well there are a lot of vampires coming and it looks like there might be some warranted attention. Things are going to get hairy during a fight and we’re going to have to say goodbye to some of our beloved vampires. Knowing Otis it’ll be someone I can tolerate like Jasper or Alice. Oh wait, none of that’s happening because the wolves are going to fight with the vampires. They agree on a meeting place and Bella’s protests.

<<Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Eighteen>>

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3 Responses to Eclipse Chapter Seventeen

  1. Alyssa says:

    “Don’t be surprised if he comes with two other vampires who actually get names, lines and a tricorder. ‘Damn it Victoria I’m a vampire, not a Chupacabra!’”

    Blahahahaha. That’s brilliant. Yay Star Trek TOS references!

  2. Martha says:

    “Maybe he’s going to make a break for it and flee to New York where he can pursue his dream of being a dancer. Go Edward, join the cast of Cats!”

    Oh man that made me laugh. PLEASE keep up your great work!

  3. Erin says:

    you know there is this store in Melbourne (aus) where the dude behind the counter actually thinks he is a vampire. Apparently (i attended the lecture) that there are ‘vampires’ who live on the energy and suffering of others – can you believe it that there are people in this world who like to lead people on and in fact treat people like crap. It reminded me of a character from a book i once read.

    Anyway, i don’t call this type of person a ‘vampire’ i refer to them as assholes… i was then asked to leave the store.

    nice re-cap by the way.

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