Yet another chapter that starts off in mid conversation. I can’t help but feel that Otis is addressing me directly through Bella.
“You can’t be serious,” I said Wednesday afternoon. “You’ve completely lost you mind!”
Well I’m rereading Eclipse in order to recap it. Yes, you could call my sanity into question. But really, you’re going to make it about you. Aren’t you Bella?
So Bella thinks bothering with the graduation party is insane. How’d she get set to graduate anyways? I mean, this past book hasn’t been chock full of the minutiae of her doing homework. How did she pass Spanish class when she had so much laundry to do?
There are so many questions I have Stephy, I need more detail! In fact I want her to rewrite Eclipse but tell it from her high school friend’s point of view peppered with point-of-view from her teachers. Maybe they can remind us just how perfect her and Eddie are for each other.
Being as Alice can see the coming future(she read the spoilers)she reminds Bella this is going to be a once in a lifetime event. Why? Can’t Bella just go along with the Cullen’s trend of repeating high school again in a few years? She can have all the graduation parties she can stand.
They talk about ‘newborn elimination’, a phrase that sounds much worse than it is, and Bella starts getting the vapors. She worries that one of them might not come back from a fight against this threat. Who might not return? Esme the stay at home, does nothing and has less lines than a random stranger? Emmett the big guy stereotype? Alice the psychic? Please Bella, stop trying to make us see tension where none exists.
Bella suggests that they make her a vampire so she could be useful. Hey, I’m all for it. Then she’s no longer the Interstellar Pig. But everyone has some excuse to get out of making her a vampire and this time it’s Alice, who says Bella’d just be useless. So, basically there’d be no change except she’d sparkle.
On a somehow related note, Bella’s mom isn’t coming to the graduation party. Man, I think I’m going to nominate Charlie and Renee for fictional parents of the year award. Apparently Phil broke his leg and is now depending on Renee. Did the airlines stop letting people fly with a wheelchair? What, does Phil have a lot to do down in Florida and can’t be bothered going with his wife to see his stepdaughter graduate? At least Otis didn’t have Renee fall ‘down some stairs’ and end up with the broken leg.
Even while on the phone to her mom, Bella just can’t ignore Edward. She goes on about how patient he is. Wow, he’s waiting nearby for you to finish a phone call. What else does the biter have to do anyway? I mean, besides leading Forks first annual pride parade. She kisses him for being so great and he pulls away but not because he can’t stand women. He claims it’s about control.
Eddie tells Dishrag that he’s going hunting tomorrow and that’s why he smells like deer urine. It’s to mask his scent. As long as the camera crew keeps quiet and low they’ll be able to get some great shots of whitetails just before takedown.
Bella mentions that she’d like to go visit the werewolves at Trader Vic’s. Maybe have a Piña Colada with Jacob. Edward narrows his eyes and suppresses his urge to tell her no and disable her truck. I can almost imagine Stephy whispering into his ear like Wormtongue.
‘Be nice or else the fans won’t tolerate you(hiss-fizz-hiss). They’re starting to say Jacob is a better match for Bella than you(hiss-fizz-slurp-hiss). You’ll have to shoot the president to prove your love!(hiss-spit)’
Eddie finally mentions why they kill endangered animals. Because their blood is better than lower animals. See human blood is better fuel than animal. Jasper’s thinking about cheating because he believes the edge might be needed.
If human blood is better for them why don’t the Cullens offer twenty bucks for a pint of H-juice from anyone that wanders by? They can drink the blood guilt free and be at their strongest. Problem solved.
Bella goes to La Push, dropped off by Edward because he doesn’t trust her out of his sight. On the way their they talk about school while Edward listens to Jacob’s thoughts. He claims Jacob is shouting, mentally I imagine, but what he won’t say. Whatever it is, I hope it’s like a shot to the balls for Eddie.
Bella and Jacob sit down to watch TV. Jacob does the ‘yawn’ and stretch an arm around her. Then he falls asleep. Well after he talks about the double shifts he’s running. He’s happy to be of service especially because there’s a vampire he can kill without fear. Bella pouts over this.
So Bella, at what point do you stop being angry about the whole wolf and vampire conflict? Are they trying to kill me? Well, Jakey still shouldn’t want to kill them. Surely it’s just an innocent, death dealing, agent of hell. They don’t deserve to be returned to the grave.
Two paragraphs of Jake sleeping and Bella referring to him as her Jake. Bella wonders how long Eddie is going to put off his vampirely duties. She thinks about asking Carlisle and decides that Forks is a war zone. Yeah, I can see where you’d get that idea what with all the refugees and UN peacekeeping forces.
Bella wants Eddie to bite her so she can be owned by him. How very healthy. But she still has reservations about getting married. Ooooookaaaaay. Ownership is fine but marriage, whoa slow down. She laments how it would be better to live in a simpler time when love was just easier. I’m starting to think Bella has been dipping into the cold medicine again and didn’t tell us.
Jake wakes up and wants to go walkies. Bella grabs the leash and takes him outside, forgetting to bring a plastic baggie with her.
Jake gets really awkward and wants to tell Bella something. What is it boy? Did Timmy get stuck in the well? He tells her he’s in love with her and figures she knows it. At this point I pity Jacob even more than I did when I started this book.
I’ve just watched the first two seasons of True Blood and I realized that there were similarities from True Blood and Twilight. So I went to Wikipedia and it told me that the Sookie Stackhouse books — which are the basis for True Blood — were published TWO YEARS before Smeyer started writing Twilight.
Coincidence? I think not. Especially when you read about how she got the idea for Twilight. Its on her site.
Good God no! The only thing that Twilight and the Southern Vampires have in common is the vampire/werewolves part. I’ve been reading the Southern Vampire Series for 7 years now, Charlaine Harris is a great writer (what, a book should have a plot?). Plus she has written other series that are not supernatural. Her books are primarily mysteries and I hate hearing people compare them.
PS. True Blood sucks balls. Although I would sleep with the actor that plays Eric Northman…
Thank you for writing the re-caps (i notice it has been well over a week since your last update… please please don’t stop with your funny quips).
I totally agree with your comments about the cheesburger’s thoughts on marriage. It is SO nothing… and c’mon marriage really doesn’t automatically mean the end of being a woman. In this realm of smeyer, Bella can look forward to a life of.. well… doing laundry. She does it SO well now, why change a thing.
Clan Cullen are truly the most stupid vampires.
‘If human blood is better for them why don’t the Cullens offer twenty bucks for a pint of H-juice from anyone that wanders by? They can drink the blood guilt free and be at their strongest. Problem solved.’
In the 4th book, doesn’t the ‘Gayest-baby-name-ever-renesme’ prefer drinking donated blood???? tell me why smeyer hasn’t discussed why clan cullen don’t do it this way, already?
“How did she pass Spanish class when she had so much laundry to do?”
OMG, you are getting better and better at this. Shouldn’t read these in a library. Getting dirty looks. I’m so glad to see you’ve done Breaking Dawn as well. It can only be uphill from here.
Wow, so many comments in one day. 🙂 I’m glad you like my work, thanks for reading. The same go to all of you who read and keep coming back.